Progress not perfection in today’s declutter your life blog. Are you someone who is always trying to fix everything and thinks it’s your job? Let’s talk about the fixer mentality today.
Are you always trying to fix something even if it isn’t broken? Do you feel it’s your job to smooth everything over and make it all right? Would you like to have peace of mind instead of feeling you need to remedy everyone and everything? Learn how to release the need of being a fixer-upper.
Look for part 2 of this blog next week next where I’ll focus on how to stop trying to fix things up.
Today’s blog was inspired by a conversation with someone who was interviewing me for life coaching tips. I talked about it being okay if the pumpkin pie burnt. It’s not always our job to fix everything and sometimes we find the most fun and joy when we try not to fix it all.
Why We Try & Fix
There are always reasons behind why we do something. Remember, we don’t do something unless we get some perceived benefit from it.
Uncertainty. We may try and fix something because on the other side is the unknown. We are more fearful of what we don’t know than what we do. Even if isn’t healthy; many of us are more comfortable with what is known than the unknown. Sometimes underestimate the power of comfort over the unknown.
Control: We may try to remedy a situation because we like to be in control. This is an illusion. We can only control ourselves and how we feel, think, act and respond. Why do you need to control something or someone? There is usually fear behind this. In general, I believe we are either coming from love or fear. All the other emotions can be boiled down to this.
Sparing other’s pain. We have this false belief that if we fix something we can spare others’ pain. I have talked before about being the peacemaker in my family. The reality is I cannot prevent people from being upset with one another and causing pain.
Perhaps you try and doctor a situation because you don’t want someone finding out something. Covering up someone’s abuse of alcohol for example.
Feel responsible we can get an unrealistic sense of what we are responsible for. I did an episode about this last month because it was a learning curve for me. I was taking on responsibility for a few different people and it wasn’t mine. You are responsible for yourself and that’s it.
If we feel also feel guilty about something, we may try and fix it to ease our guilt.
Power to make it all better. We may think that we have the ability to fix and provide a solution. It’s totally our ego talking here. When we do this we are saying we don’t trust the other person to take care of themselves or that they have the ability. That’s selling someone else short. It might seem like something good on the surface, but in the long run not really.
Think better than others or know what is best for others. This is ego-based, too. I say this again and again. When I work with clients they know what is best for them, but I don’t. I work on supporting them to find the answers. I offer suggestions and solutions but ultimately they are the captain of their ship and must chart his or her course.
Project fears onto others. Have you projected your fears onto others? Have you had others project their stuff onto you? Either way, it isn’t fun. If you are Uncertain you may be trying to shield your feelings and do this by fixing the situation.
I was recently talking to a potential client and his son was projecting his fear of not being able to pay his apartment bill just as he was preparing to move out. The potential client felt it was his job to try and fix that. I gently suggested that while he might choose to help out, it was his son’s job as a young adult to figure out how to pay his rent.
Where are you a fixer-upper? What is the reason you want to fix everything? Where in your life are you trying to control what happens? What one step can you take right now to release your need to fix a situation?
DIY Options to Clear Clutter
Purchase Julie’s books on how to clear clutter from your life: https://reawakenyourbrilliance.com/shop/
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