Today’s episode on planning for a good death is dedicated to my mom, Jenny Seibert, affectionately known as Jen Jen to those who loved her. My mom died on August 9th, 2021. I had the good fortune to be with her when she passed–it was an honor and a privilege. I also helped care for her in the last 14 months of her life after she had a stroke and two heart attacks. I learned a lot during this process and how important it is for planning for a good death. It’s made me realize how important this is to do and to make decisions now and not before it’s too late.
Take actions from today’s podcast:
- Contemplate your mortality and what matters most
- Understand what a good death looks like to you
- Plan and prepare for dying
- Make your wishes known in a legal document and with loved ones
- Know how you can support someone in having a quality dying process
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Julie Coraccio 0:01
Today on Clear Your Clutter inside now, we’re talking about having a good death. Are you interested in learning what a successful death is? Do you wonder if dying can be good? Or at least the best it can be? How can you take a positive approach to death? Learn about preparing for good death as we begin our month focusing on beginnings and endings. Does your clutter own you? Unclear your clutter inside now, we’ll teach you how to become aware of your clutter, along with action steps to declutter and create the life you desire. Come on. Let’s get started. Hey, everyone, happy December. At the end of this month, I will have done 426 episodes. That’s more than one day for a year. I have been podcasting since September 2014. My mother’s death has made me reevaluate valuate some things it inspired today’s episode, I am going to not do the podcast anymore. Now a couple things. First of all, we’ll have you have this whole catalogue. For those on Patreon, I’m going to switch how I’m doing that. What I figured out is I don’t want to just do bonus episodes for Patreon. I want people to take action. I don’t want to just put this content out and have people download it and wonder Oh, are they actually changing a lot? Have you reached out to me to really appreciate. I want to create a world where I live in, we all need to be share our gifts with the world. So it’s time for me to focus on people ready to take action. And so at the beginning of the year, in January next month, the Patreon account is going to focus on giving you a weekly assignment, offer an affordable $5 A month that’s the basic plan and then go from there if you want more interaction and detailed coaching with me. And so I’m switching the Patreon account that way and for those not on Patreon, I’m going to release all the extra episodes that were beginning in March that were on Patreon. And that people have not listened to on the broader iTunes and so forth. My mother’s death made me realize well, one, I’m tired one I want to I’ve mentioned that. I want to work with people who are ready to make change and take action. I just my mother’s death really made me realize, you know, I’m halfway through my life. I got stuff I need to do I want to tell two books, right, two books about personal stories. In my personal life, I have a draft of another book I’m working on that kind of got sidetracked and hopefully maybe then next year, I’ll get that out. That takes time and energy. And doing the podcast takes an incredible amount of time and energy, which I was happy to do. I wanted to give back the way that if you didn’t have access to someone, you if you’re really motivated, give you take actions, you can do that. So it just made me realize that less than half my life left, I want to write more. And focus on that I did manage to have a an e book coming out at the end of the month I’m super excited about and I’m the year end of the month, the beginning of the year, but we’ll be out. And it’s going to be on a quick start a 21 day challenge to declutter your life. I did that in beta tested it and got some feedback. And that’s if you’re super overwhelmed. This really breaks it down really gently and easily. So again, beginning of January, I’ll release the previously unreleased episodes, we’ll get all done with that your 426 episodes, I haven’t decided because that’s going to take me to spring. And then I think after that all the episodes I did were brand new, I didn’t repurpose anything. But I think what I’m going to go through is repurpose some content, freshen it up. And at this point, that’s the plan to continue with the podcast. If you’re really ready to change your life, check out my Patreon group to color your life with Julie Coraccio. That’s going to be where my main focus is now instead of doing the podcast to support people moving forward. So today’s episode was inspired by both both of my parents. My father planned and I know that I’ve talked about this before. That’s what got me interested in end of life organizing. And I thought that both my parents plan but my mom didn’t. She was afraid to die. And so we had to make some decisions after she died for example. We cremated her my dad said they had conversations about that. I know that
you can have a Death. My goal was to have my mom die at home and to be with her. And I accomplished that. My father had shared with me later he said, if you hadn’t come home, I was going to have to take her to live this place, which we’re very fortunate here to really wonderful hospice place. But my mom wanted to stay at home, I knew that. and grateful that I was able to accomplish that. And considering everything she went through, like having aphasia, she had I would what I would consider a good death. Now, of course, we no one wants to be ill, she slept mainly the final three days, and would open her eyes. Occasionally. We were there with her. When she passed holding her hands, she looked up. And at this time, I didn’t realize she was blind, her eyes were opaque, because that’s the word I want to say, you know, just white and how to film on them. And hearing is the last thing to go, which I kind of laughed because my mother has here a pin drop from 1000 yards, and we were with her. And the thing, it was a really incredible experience, I felt angels. And the room was crowded with people welcoming her to the other side. I’ve never been with someone they died. And a couple of weeks after my mom went to her next adventure I was really upset is really missing her in that day. And I’d taken my niece to improv class. And then I love those free little libraries. And I’m hoping to get one in my neighborhood, I figure I can convince my husband to build one. And so there was this messages that people give right before they die. And I thought, oh, I need to read this. And I just read the intro. And they talked about the presence of angels. I don’t know, when everything was happening, if I couldn’t, I think probably knew their angels. But they said they look eight feet tall, looking back and like, Hey, I probably would have said eight feet tall. I wasn’t thinking as I’m with my mom, oh, these, this energy looks eight feet tall. And then the other thing, whatever the exact phrase I heard was something along the lines of, it’s time for your mom to go, it’s time for her to go. And this exact phrase was in the book. So that just for me was a little confirmation. She’s okay, she’s on the other side. And as I record this, I’m taking a grief class with Barrett and Beth. And if you haven’t listened, I have a couple interviews with them. I’d encourage you to check those out. And it’s been super helpful and processing my grief. But that was just another reminder, you know, I have to let go of my life to open up and create the life I desire. And so that’s another reason for ending the podcast. Today’s episode was also inspired by numerous stories I’ve heard about people who didn’t plan for death, refuse to acknowledge or avoid it. And I have this theory that plastic surgery is at one level trying to stave off death are so afraid of dying that we try to dip into that fountain of youth. I’ve never dedicated any episodes, but there’s the first time for everything right and as I’m wrapping up might as well go for it. This episode is dedicated to my mom who I miss every day
this episode is also dedicated to Laura Carter, who is a fabulous neighbor and new my grandmother’s house was for sale and and got that for us who not only to helping us get our house was a rockstar help organize meals. For my friends from friends from my mom and my parents. She tended to my mom’s garden, I mean anyone who’s gonna weed for you weekly, that’s a true friend. She did a weekly zoom session with my mom and Lynn companion to help with speech because my mom had aphasia. She she felt the caregivers weren’t doing something or cleaning up. She said hey, this needs to happen. And each time she felt my mom needed to be advocated for she did that and they’ve been friends. Gosh, I don’t know that been 50 years and I’m very grateful for them. We’re blessed to have them as neighbors but Laura Carter was truly a rock star and words in this small dedication won’t even begin to thank her. I also want to thank everyone who brought meals just was really great for my family. We had an end of life celebration that was really wonderful. The other person that I really need to think so I need to thank Sharon bird really quickly did a lot of meals and help with my mom and the day she passed brought over food and just was also very helpful but Laura Carter was one rock star and the other rock star was Lynn companion. When my mom first had aphasia. Mrs. Companion helped find the speech person she did these weekly zoom sessions because she knows about this and found the person that helped my mom who’s a little I don’t alternatives, not the right word, I’d say forward thinking and she was incredibly helpful. I’m grateful she got to visit my mom before she passed and was up from South Carolina. I could not have gotten through this without her because she did hospice before she retired. And so I was prepared for the death rattle. Because of her, I was prepared for the process that happens at the end of life. And she had said, you know, you can see some really incredible things. And she was right. I could not have done again, anything without her she helped advocate like saying, Okay, we know this is them to life, can we stop some of these medications for my mom, and I’m here to take pills. And she just prepared me to be able to face this. And she’s like, if you need me, I’m here. And the same with Mrs. Carter, that Mrs. Companion also gave me a book that was very helpful because it was at end of life when people had died. And I would have had, if I hadn’t been there, my mom passed, I would have had incredible guilt had I not read this book. So I just say to you, if you’re meant to be with someone when they die, you will be there is like about 50 stories. And after reading, I’m like, oh, yeah, if I’m meant to be there, I’ll be there. Even if they’re dying, people are going to control what’s going on in their life. So just know, I hope that someone who’s listening maybe needs to hear that and felt guilt. I know when my grandmother died. My brother and I were flying in from Los Angeles, and she died. And I said, I talked to her before she died and her eyes open. And what I realized is my Aunt Sally and I weren’t there. And I thought we would have been the two that would have held her back and said No, don’t go at all sentimental, so I understand why weren’t there. So just share that if that helps. But anyway, I want to dedicate today’s podcast to Laura Carter and Lynn companion. The truth is, once you learn how to die, you learn how to live. That’s for Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with maurey encourage you to read that book if you had a read of ages ago. In my view, a good death is individual, just like decluttering and getting organized. And it’s the ultimate clearing of clutter and letting go. What works for someone might not work for someone else. According to the Institute of Medicine report published 25 years ago, a good death is one that is quote, free from avoidable distress and suffering for the patient, family and caregivers in general a chord with the patients and families wishes, and reasonably consistent with clinical cultural and ethical standards. And quote, I thought that was a great summary. And wanted to share that. So how do you have good depth?
Pain Management, I would say is probably the number one thing based on my experience, the last 24 hours of my mom’s life, I stayed up and got up every hour, to give her morphine to make sure that she was wasn’t in pain. And what they explained to me if I remember correctly, one that what we’re given at home isn’t what you have at the hospital, so it’s not as strong. And if it’s given every hour, then that makes sure there’s there’s no lapse, and that she would wouldn’t be in any pain. She had started paying management prior to the last 24 hours. But you know, the body’s starting to shut down, I would think I know that that’s what I want. I wanted for her, and to not have anyone be in pain and suffer. The other thing is to address any spiritual issues, there might be a crisis of faith or questioning of it all. And I encourage you engage in discussion. Maybe for you, that means reading from sacred texts, have a clergy person, they had clergy, people that work with hospice. We had someone come in and she left books for her to read. But these people are trained with end of life care and to answer your questions. Maybe if they’re religious, something like last rites, addressed the spiritual issues. And I’m gonna encourage you not to shy away from these conversations. I feel like in this country, we have such a fear of death, that we just like the plastic surgery, I’m going to keep you at bay. And one of the things I said to my mom, and again with the fasion. As she grew weaker, it was especially hard to understand and she her writing, she was unable to write and for us to understand it as well. But I said I am going to be with you. I’m going to be holding your hand on the left side, and Justin is going to be holding your hand on the right side. And sure enough that happened and I’ll never forget hearing that death rattle the hospice person that we had a on call hospice person who’s like Yeah, I think it’s 24 to 48 hours and I had a sense that my mom was going to die on the eighth but then as I joked she was always late so of course she died on the ninth and the death rate I would do that morphine with my mom fall asleep and have the alarm watch set to wake me up. And so 330 I texted my brother and I said, I heard the death rattle. And just FYI. So I don’t think you need to get here right now, but just know and he said, I can’t sleep anyway, I’m gonna come up and be over. But I had said to my mom, we’re gonna do this, you’re going to be welcomed by people, for your next adventure, and you will be surrounded by those that love you, too. My brother and I, my husband, her favorite hair caregiver who that was her last day and she was leaving in 15 minutes and my father. Discuss treatment preference was and quality of life. I personally believe after everything, that we need a national right to die law. And I’m gonna encourage you to read being mortal. It is, there’s a link to it on my site under end of life resources. This was written by a doctor and what he went through for his own father, to be really clear on what process you want to happen and what you’re willing to do. Now, I don’t have the particulars, but I know my uncle’s partner, died a couple of weeks before my mom and I felt his presence he definitely helped across over. But he these were his last words that my uncle shared on Facebook. And that I thought were worth sharing. I would like to have the chance to terminate my life with all my friends and family together saying farewell, I just wish this would be very short. To drag out the process is unkind. I’m dehydrated, vital signs deteriorating, my breath is tight and short, my heart is failing, all of which amounts to sitting and waiting for death. For those who oppose my right to decide, please do not consider this an issue of religion. It is an issue of compassion for me as I suffer. I don’t believe being faced with death as a religious thing. It is a spiritual and factual. Everybody has to face death. Hospice is a good thing. It helps you feel secure and it supplies comfort. But when you first know your terminal, you should be able to choose your time of death. For me, that is a humane thing to do. That was from her birth just in her past July 29, a couple of weeks before my mom and encourage you be aware of your quality life and what you want. I know I don’t want to be on a ventilator. I don’t want to be in a coma just at this point in life. I’ve lived a good life, I don’t want to I just am where what I want.
resolve any conflicts, you might not be able to. My mom had a sister that she is assuming though she’s passed, she’s still estranged from her. And I said you want me to try to find her? Do you have anything you want to say she didn’t. And I think that that’s okay. I don’t believe that you have to resolve every conflict. And I don’t think you should force that on anyone. You know, I was talking to my husband this morning about something I was like, oh, I should have made another decision. And sometimes in our emotional state, we don’t know. But I don’t believe that anything to draw. And so this conflicts with yourself. And it would be more important to get right with yourself in my view, then whatever you question. Now, again, I think forgiveness is really great. But not that can’t always happen, and don’t judge it, you do the best you can. And I don’t think it’s necessary to resolve everything or have forgiveness. I’m not a fan of people. I’ve heard stories, you lead a very immoral life. And on their deathbed want forgiveness and they want last rites, and they want to be absolved from that like, well, I don’t think your five minute confessional should overrule of life of debauchery. That’s just my personal view, and resolve what you’re able to. And it is what it is. And again, you have to be able to get right right with yourself. But reading that book of people and needing to see certain things and people trying to resolve things. And it’s just really interesting. In one for instance, the son was gay and the father rejected him. And the mother said, Please, he wants to see you before he dies. And the father never came. And so that son I can’t imagine that. Imagine that would have been incredibly painful. But the son had to get right with himself be okay with himself and he can’t change another person. So I’d say do what you’re able that you can’t control another person. As I was doing research for this, I read something that suggested there are four basic messages that a person needs to communicate at the end of life. This reminds me of I can never pronounce it correctly. How Pon up pono and Love you. Oh, thank you, I forgive you please forgive me. I can’t remember if that’s the same. And so those are, I think maybe Thank you. I think the I don’t know if these are the same thing. So they’re I love you. Thank you. I forgive you. Please forgive me. We celebrated my mom with Christmas. So we did Christmas in July, which when I lived in the national parks, that was something that we celebrated. And so we all wrote letters to her, and she was still in good enough shape to read them. And I have to laugh. My husband wrote, probably the shortest lever letter ever, but my mom put a smiley face had a little joke about fighting the good fight. And that put a chuckle on her, which is really nice. I know, we all had humor in our letters. And I think that that’s really important. And we all took turns talking to her privately, the day she died, which I think was really great. And were able to call people like Laura Carter. And I was able to put the phone up for Lynn to tell mom goodbye and very grateful for that. But I love you. Thank you, I forgive you. Please forgive me. And I know, those were things that I put in my letter and I felt good. I felt I left everything on the table. I couldn’t have done any more. And so I’m grateful for that. Do you keep saying that you’ll have the life you desire someday, that someday never comes? Have you been feeling like your clutter owns you. Looking for a little more support that’s budget friendly. We’ll be doing weekly take actions and creating a community to move you forward so you can discover joy and freedom visit to clutter your life with Julie Coraccio on Patreon. To learn more, or find the link on reawaken your brilliance calm.
Try and honor wishes that are doable. I can’t do everything. Talk we did Christmas in July, because she loved that she died 15 days later, could do it at home, I got a snow maker was awesome. And I think she really got a kick out of that, but made this great fluffy snow. So make sure you can do before you promise anything. And make sure it’s what the person really wants and not someone else. Don’t try to force your wishes or what you think needs to be done. I have heard some interesting stories around that to try and honor what you can my mom didn’t express that she wished to have a final Christmas. But we knew that that was her favorite season. She still had the Santas up from the 2020 Christmas. So do what you’re able to talk about what they found. Meaning doing. It might be about all the people they loved and love them. My mom was so loved and she was so much fun. I did not get her fun personality, unfortunately. But yeah. What do you do? Civil who’s like a second mother to me. And I’d encourage you years ago, I put this interview up. But civils it was a really incredible human being, I encourage you to listen that people can talk about how they’ve made a different civil touch so many lives. One of the things when I visit her twice a year, and she would save baskets, she had a basket of letters, she would save that people had written to her and when she was feeling down, she pulled them out. And I was grateful that a couple of my letters made it in that you could tell what an incredible life civil let and touch so many people. And I found out lots of things after my mom passed and how she had touched people in ways I didn’t know about. Maybe volunteering was important in them, maybe being the best teacher they could be. Maybe they were a sports person and being physically fit. Gave them purpose and meaning. have those conversations. Number eight, let people say what they need to say, respect the process. There’s no right or wrong here. Sometimes people need to get stuff off the chest. They’re not going to act on it most likely, but they need to express it. I need to say you hurt me. I need to say I’m angry and here’s why. And then that can sometimes lead to resolving some conflicts. If people are allowed to express how they feel. That is the first step to getting that done. And you know, sometimes people just need to scream and share that. You know, my mom said on more than one occasion she wanted to die. I didn’t say stop that. I the first time she said it. I cried. And I said I don’t want you to die but I I respect your process. Well, I have to laugh everyone if it seemed like a stilted are weird transition because I was recording and bam I’ve never had this happen. Maybe Mama was unhappy what I was talking about or the direction I was going on or wanted me to take a pause. That’s a computer just bam, completely shut down. I have never had that happen. I’ve had the power go out once during an interview, but it managed to stay recorded this was completely different. Thankfully it was recorded. So back to our list. Number nine, let the dying person have control. Trust me, they will I talked about earlier. They will if they want you there when they go to the next adventure. They will have you if they don’t, they won’t. If they’re able to communicate, see what they need. Some people want solitude. And that book I read. This person had 24/7 caregivers but wanted to pass on our own. And the one time when the on call caregiver, the person who was there and the new caregiver was coming to relieve her needed help with heavy equipment she passed. See how conscious they are. They want might want to sleep or be very aware. My mom’s up three days civil did as well. civils last word, this is great. Take me now take me now take me now. When my friend her grandson told me that I was like, Yeah, I’m not surprised. That sounds very civil. Like my mom opened her eyes shortly before she died, said she’s blind at this point. She looked up at the corner. And we just kept talking through the entire time. That if they’re able to see what they need, let them control that it’s about them and their process. It’s not about you. Was it tough here and my mom wanted to die? Absolutely. But I had to respect it. And finally, number 10, let your intuition guide you. I had mentioned that one,
the regular hospice nurse had said it would be two weeks to two months and I’m like no, that’s not happening. The other on Collins like Yeah, I think 24 to 48 hours and my intuitively I felt she’s gonna die that Sunday because my niece Claire was in a play. And I said, Claire, I just can’t I just, I just need to be with mom. And so trust your intuition and use that intuition in starting conversations, seeing what they need, trusting maybe if they were like my mom and can’t communicate and being open to that, and seeing if that can help guide you, our intuitions there for a reason. Planning a good death. Again, we don’t know when our numbers called how that’s going to happen. And if you’re able to plan, it helps give you peace of mind. So think about what does a good death look like to you? Sybil wanted to be wheeled out and she was so she could see your garden. We had started to do that with my mother, we’re gonna wheel her out. Except that she was in a hospital bed anyway, they were going to bring in another hospital bed and switch them out. But we just decided it was easier since she’d been sleeping just to keep her there. You’re gonna have medical considerations, you want to make sure this is written out. This is super important. You want a medical power of attorney. Now this might be under just one power of attorney. But sometimes people have this separated. Be very, very clear about this. You also need to be aware if you end up in a religious hospital is affiliated with a church, they might not honor your end of life wishes. So that’s just an FYI. Okay, I’ve said if I pull the plug, I don’t want to be in a coma just pull it out to be very clear about that I don’t want to take my mom had signed, they turned off her defibrillator, which if I understand correctly, it wouldn’t restart her heart. I will say the wrong thing medically. And that was really hard for me. I started crying and had to leave. They had me read explaining everything. And one of the worst times I felt because I thought you got to support her and be there and I had to let Olivia who’s one of our really wonderful caregivers read it. And it didn’t kill her right there obviously but you know, it was signing off. And she had the post and bright pink on the fridge saying I don’t want crazy stuff to keep me alive. So have all that have your living wills your end of life care what you want the physician’s order for life sustaining treatment, that’s what pole stands for, write out everything make them known, cremated my mom because she and my dad had had several conversations about that, and that that’s what she wanted. I think she was afraid of dying. And one of the things that the grief process has helped me with and seeing signs But she’s still around, that she’s at peace now, because I struggled with that, I still struggle with that a little bit. Just be very clear on what you want. And then we’ll just trust that it’s honored. But I’ve just, I hope, by the time it’s my time, if I’m in a situation, I would be able to make the decision to take morphine or whatever it is that you can do. Because I just I don’t want to lollygag around. And like herb said, you know, it’s painful. It’s, he’s having trouble breathing, no one wants to stick around like that. How can you prepare to help someone else have a good death, like in life be as present as possible. As hard as it was, it was a wonderful experience. I had to be present to advocate for my mom. I talked about this a moment ago, or like, let’s move to the living room, she can see your plants. And I was like, You know what, no, she needs to stay put. And we just need to have her in her bedroom. I just had a strong feeling about that. Just being with the person is something one of the times I felt truly present and in the moment, because there was nothing that I could do. But I know she knew that I was there. I was just present. There wasn’t anything else I could do. But I know that she felt that and I know that that made a difference. Our body might be shutting down, but we’re still there. Our soul or spirit is still there, attuned to all of it. Know everything that’s going on. You know, you can read those interesting books about people who’ve died and come back to life. And say, I heard the conversations. I could see them resuscitating me I could see all that I could feel all that I’ll never forget the story. When I was in LA that was in a magazine. And a woman had I guess she had died temporarily. But but traffic had stopped. And it wasn’t in the particular
situation where it was for me, but I always remembered it moving forward. And she said she could hear people saying jump, just get on with it. Oh, my God and be late. And she said and she heard one person praying for and her spirit, I guess flow. I don’t remember all the details. But that always stuck with me. They know what’s going on. We sense all that. Create a sacred space. You can do this in a hospital. Maybe it’s an incense or candle, a Lutheran oxygen, you can have a candle or reading from the Bible or spiritual texts, or sharing what you love to them are fond memories. One of the things we did my mom loved to travel. And so Justin found at Target a big map. And we put pins in it. We wrote down Oh, all the places that she travel. Holding your hand. My brother and I held my mom’s hand. My dad was at the foot of bed and Hannah was next to him and my husband was next to me. We’re able to create I call it holding space. So I held space for love, a peaceful transition. And for people to support me and have to tell you I’ve mentioned earlier it was crazy. It’s like I could feel these AngelList presences these huge the one was at the head of the her bed and was at the foot and the room was crowded. And one of the things when I had conversations I was like well you know, I think mother and daddy will be there and Athena my cat I’ve asked her to greet you have asked Sybil and she knew so I’m like I’ve asked Sybil to come I felt her presence. But I don’t know maple and Alan I know are there but I was overwhelmed that the number of people there to greet greeter just know whatever that means it can if you don’t have a candle or you can’t have a counter incense, you can hold that space and create something sacred for transition. Provide physical comfort. I mentioned this all the way in the beginning about pain management. For pain for breathing, maybe their skin gets irritated my mom got sores because of being bed bed sores. Bag balm is what Mrs. C recommended. So at the end, that’s what we’re using ice chips. I put a washcloth on her lips and would squeeze some of the water to help try to keep her from being completely dehydrated. Maybe it’s turning on their side. If they’re uncomfortable. Feed the bite, you know maybe bites of food if you can. I know my mom didn’t need the last three days. Near the end, watch your temperature. If they’re keeping you know the keep. Looks like they’re moving the blanket they’re probably too hot. If they’re hunching their shoulders are moving around. Maybe they’re shivering that they’re too cold. Again, touch I think touch is so important hold their hand. Listen, I’m reading this book that I started when the day I was feeling sad. exact words when I heard when she passed and so I’ve been reading the different stories and some people, they just go on their sleep. I was shocked by that. My friend said, Oh, they’re the grandmother. They didn’t even realize she had passed. I thought wow, because when I heard the death rattle it was loud. It I mean, I would dozed off it was in I was like saying it was super loud. And I deaf and it was super loud. But people go different ways. And so just be there. Listen. Maybe they can say something right before they die. Just listen. Consider soft music. Low light. You know if there’s any music they particularly enjoyed. Have that on. Talk to them. They are still there, not about them. I’ve said a couple times hearings left to go. Let them have their experience. I know I saw angels and felt spirits of many people and some of your can leave that it’s okay. I didn’t talk about it until after she went I wasn’t like oh, hey, I can see angel or Wow, the room is crowded. I wanted my mom to have her own experience about her was her journey.
entire time the five of us just talked and held hands. They said Mom, it’s okay. We love you. We’re going to be okay. We’re going to take care of each other. You know, it’s you know what? You can be social again, you’re going to be able to talk. I said if you need to get a message. Beth and Barrett. That’s our conduit. And they described they’re described as my mom being right now. Like this old fashioned telephone operator. You know, there’s a plug in and do the old switchboard and she’s trying everything out and contacting people Mrs. C had shared she had a very vivid dream with my mom. And and I’ve no doubt was my mom contacting her and visiting her. Never convinced me otherwise. My brother just got back from a trip and he said, Oh yeah, we saw a butterfly. My brother my brother thinks I’m the weird one in the family. And I’d written this post on Facebook about how my mom loved butterflies and shed some of her bathroom that I have in my bathroom and to keep showing up the other day I had been in her bedroom 1000s of time. And my niece was occupying the downstairs bathroom like I’m just gonna run these my parents I sit on the toilet, and I look up and there’s this incredible butterfly painting that she’d put above the door. I’m like I’ve been in that bathroom 1000s of times. That’s a wink and a nod for my mom. So I was like that I know what through the paintings but I’d really like this butterfly once. Get a break. Caregiving is tough. Find a support group. I had my alumni at Mount Holyoke, they have a caregiver support group couldn’t have done with that on their fantastic. Have your friends help. Call on hospice. Hospice is a great resource. If you have some extra cash, and they do a great job consider donating. If you’re able to afford to hire caregivers, that can make a huge difference. It is exhausting. I have no regrets about what I did. And I had a lot of support and we had caregivers and I was still exhausted. You know my dad was really good about take a break. My husband was like take a break. The feeling overwhelmed at time, you’ve got to take care of yourself to be able to care for someone else. Give reassurances. Okay, this is I’m going to tell you a weird thing. I disappoint Tony and I need to hash it out a little more. But I want to be cremated. I think an athlete wants to be shot in space, I’ll be a sport and do that with them, although we’ll be cremated for that too. And so my instructions are going to be and I laugh because in the hospice book that Mrs. Companion gave me they had a story about this and I said oh, I’m not the only person that’s male. I feel so much better because I personally believe talk on the front the other day reincarnation, I’ve been to this planet before. But I’m also doing the multiverse like theory that you are. Here I am in 2021 but my life in 1560 is going on my life and 3032 is going on. And so I’m like I know I’ve experienced some unpleasant deaths. I said it my instructors are going to say I will go with cremation. Make sure I’m dead. Wait a couple hours. Whatever you do, just please make sure that you’re willing to make sure that I’m actually super dead when they throw me in the oven to cremate me like when they used to the 1800s have the bell in case you’re buried alive. I know something like that happened we just did get to me creeps me out big time. But one of my things is gonna have a cup of coffee have some cocoa. I’ll try to bake ahead and have some in the freezer you can take out they had the hospice calm and do some things to help prepare and then the funeral home came I just sat with her the entire time and held her hand until they kicked me out. And I asked the hospital, okay, she’s dead, right? And I said to Justin, she said, he’s like, yeah, she stopped breathing. And so it’s a little quirk of mine. But I’m going to ask that whoever’s with me, give reassurances, and I’ll put that note out for the other side to tell me that too. And tell them things. I’ll take care of your pet, your plants, your kids, whatever it is, is going to help them know I’m like we said, I’m going to be okay. You can go now we’re going to be okay. We’re going to take care of ourselves. just reassure make that transition to the next adventure as easy as possible. And remember, it’s their journey, not yours. Your day will come someday, eventually. We know that like what death and taxes guaranteed. Take actions from today’s podcast, contemplate your mortality. And what matters most. I’m going to add contemplate your morality because that I stumbled on that word several times. So I feel like I need to share that. Understand what a good death looks like to you. plan and prepare for dying.
Make your wishes known in a legal document and with loved ones. Know how you can support someone and having a quality dyeing process. On our next episode, we’re talking about what you put out, you get back. Go out, Clear Your Clutter to create the life you choose deserve and desire. Clearing your clutter allows you to share your gifts with the world. Get your Free Self Assessment to discover your clutter priority at reawaken your brilliance calm. If you’ve enjoyed Clear Your Clutter inside now, please rate review and share us
Transcribed by https://otter.ai