Petty Arguments: Is This the Hill You Want to Die On? Finding Peace of Mind
Petty Arguments: Are You Wasting Your Day on the Stuff that Doesn’t Matter?
Are you focusing on small arguments instead of issues that are of greater concern? Do you find yourself getting caught up in petty arguments on social media? Would you like to have peace of mind instead of constant drama? Learn how to focus on choosing your battles.
Certified life coach, author & award-winning professional life organizer Julie Coraccio shares steps and tips to support you in creating the life you choose, deserve and desire through decluttering your life, mindfulness and how to organize your life.
Julie Coraccio 0:00
Today on clear your clutter inside and out. We’re talking about where you’re putting your energy. are you focusing on more arguments instead of issues that are of greater concern? Do you find yourself getting caught up in petty arguments on social media? Would you like to have peace of mind instead of constant drama? Learn how to focus on choosing your battles as we continue our month focusing on clarity. Do you control your clutter? Or does your clutter control you? unclear your clutter inside now I will teach you awareness as well as action steps to create change in your life. Come on. Let’s get started. First, I want to apologize I think I’m the kind of person I just came back from from Raleigh. If you’ve been listening for a while, you know we downsized last year to a small town outside of Raleigh and so went to the big city had to take Tony’s car to get fixed. And they went to stop at Trader Joe’s and hadn’t been there in a while and got a coupon for the pet store and was loading up on pet food and they change stuff around they ended up a Wegmans came everyone was super excited and Raleigh Staunton. But anyway, I’m the type of person if you change stuff around the grocery store, just scrambles my brain. And when I recorded these because I record these in batches, I can’t do an entire month in one day, and so spread it out and do one or two day. And I don’t know if I had the pro mic on. So I apologize for the first two episodes. It said anyway, they switched it and so when I went to check in the area that says pro mic, I don’t know if it was so we should be ready to roll for the rest of the year. Today’s episode was inspired by a post In a women’s group that I belong to, so it’s a big networking group in the area where I live, and someone who posted and use the term you guys. I use the term you guys I feel like it’s a I grew up in Wheeling, West Virginia. It’s right outside of Pittsburgh, I think you guys is fairly common. I also should stress I went to a women’s college. I consider myself a humanist, which for me means equality for all. And but I use you guys in my belief system. It is not derogatory. I do use that when addressing a group of women. And as you’ll learn, not everyone agrees with that. So this woman use this term. You guys start out she was looking for an apartment. Her boyfriend is autistic looking very specific things. So someone posted a and they had taken a screenshot and circled it. And I need to learn how to do that. How do people do that? They take these screenshots and write on it. So anyway, it’s on my to do list. So she’d taken a screenshot and wrote like a with a couple exclamation points and circled it and posted it. And I think it just was a comment and then circling and posting, and that was it. Incredibly passive aggressive. And people got really upset. And I want to share, I copied this, and I’m not revealing who it is and what it is, and it’s been months so not naming the group. I don’t feel like I am inviting and violating any confidentiality here. And so I’ve kind of her response was really good. And so here was her response, which I was so impressed with, because a lot of times you we get angry. I mean, you know, I have to use read social media and see there’s this knee jerk reaction drove back. The thing is, you didn’t say, hey, language matters and this gender stuff is hard. If you did, your comment would have likely been interpreted and responded to in a much more positive light. Because again, people really were like, you know, why are you going off on this woman? And remember, you can go Oh, that wasn’t my intention then and now we all read energy whether or not we’re aware of it, you know, when someone’s being stinky or not. You screenshot my well intentioned, linguistically gender neutral and colleague, colloquial breeding and set up. And she’s right because someone else posted See, it’s one of the things I like you guys is is, is gender neutral, doesn’t mean men are women and set up very passive aggressive and offered no form of constructive criticism.
I just thought that was a brilliant response, because to me, it was direct. It wasn’t passive aggressive. It addressed the issue. She stated how she felt and respond and that was it for her and I think she turned off comments. And, and that was kind of the end of it now because I’m in this group, this particular woman who did the blog post a lot, and I actually got removed I posted, it was something the rock had done. And he was talking about he was really funny and someone said, Oh, the rock said this, and the rock was like, that’s not my style. If I have something to say to you, I’m going to be direct and so I and I said this isn’t meant to be political because you know, again, people people are going to see what they want to see and I said but I was trying to illustrate because I didn’t want to call this woman out directly like you know, be very aware of of how what you’re saying is interpreted there’s a better way and then I you know, but said read these three articles anyway got removed. I think someone complained to that, you know, I wasn’t going to say something or personally I don’t know or I have thought on numerous times to say you know, you you really need lose people with the way you approach things. And it’s actually going to be a twofer because it inspires gonna inspire another episode. But today I want to focus on is this the hill you want to die on. And my larger point was this is this women, woman posts regularly about gender neutrality, language and all these things. And in my view, picked an argument that was over a minor post and went ballistic instead of spending time on something that’s going to be more meaningful and valuable. Now, you might be out there and say, well, Julie, you know, everything matters and you always talk about smaller steps adding up to big things. Absolutely. You’re absolutely correct. And I’m going to suggest to you to think, is it more important to try to get a quality or go nuts on person for using Hey guys, and only you can determined that I was in another group of women and I had been really upset and I have got to get this done because I want the energy this released I was pulled over for a traffic violation and anyway I’m just too naive to not realize that it’s about making money and my ticket was never gonna go away and I’m not somebody who wastes time if I think I’m in the wrong anyway what the officer did was inappropriate and that’s on my to do list anyway, I was really upset and I posted in this group of women and I said you know, I am I nots and explain the situation. And then someone said to me, is this the hill you want to die on? I thought I still want to write a letter but no, it’s not the hill I want to die on. So again, this that incident is well is was another inspiration for today’s episode. So for me, here in North Carolina, in the world in America, there are so many other things, too. get angry about to get upset about Tawana create and make change, and bigger things to address such as inequality such as poverty, better schools, student debt, the environment, you know, on and on and on big things that I think we, as a society, I mean it really think things are going to come to a head and certain areas and we need to address them because if we don’t, we’re going to be in troubles. And so to me, those are in the big, bigger picture and grand scheme of things. And I want you have to ask yourself, when you’re on talking to someone or having a video exchange or on social media, is this where you want to put your time, effort and energy and again, no right or wrong answer. I share with you my life experiences with the hope that you’ll have an aha moment something will resonate with you and I don’t expect everything too, but I can’t think of all the mistakes I’ve made in my life and all energy and time I’ve wasted I’ve shared personal things. I always share personal things on this podcast. And I know if I’d look back five years ago, probably when a year ago But truly, why, why, why, why? And it’s one of the reasons why I’ve set back on social media. That post con for me is like, Man, you know what, I need a break from this group. Because it’s just so insane. We are spinning our wheels, we are wasting energy on stuff that really doesn’t matter. So is it the hill you want to die on? And that goes back to not everything can be a priority.
What matters the most to you? And whatever is not the priority, whatever is insignificant is clutter. And we’re all about clearing clutter on the podcast. Because I want you to reawaken your brilliance I want you out there sharing your Guess what the world because we need you, we need you more than ever. Is the argument on Facebook of someone using you guys really? that important? Is that gonna make a difference to you tomorrow? a week from now a month? How about a year? Are you gonna even think about that? I saw another incident recently. And people had a right to be upset and I get that and I’m about honoring your feelings and feeling your feelings. But the vitriol that followed by a few people was off the charts, the anger and what people were saying did not match the offense. As an example, if you litter chopping off someone’s hand is kind of an extreme punishment. That’s the best example I can think of to tell you and again, is it that important to attack someone to shame someone for What was a minor offense? And you know, to quote the great late, Dr. Wayne Dyer. Don’t get offended easily. Are you someone who’s offended easily? So think about that, again is this hell that we’re thinking about Do you want to die on? When we do this, it takes up your time and your energy. When I think back, and I have to just have love and compassion for myself. I’m on a journey like the rest of us. And I think sometimes when people who do their personal work, who are on a spiritual, perhaps religious journey, about being the best that can be always trying to improve their lives, we hold ourselves to a really high standard, and get really easily angry and upset with ourselves. Like why why, you know, I should know better, I should be better, and you’re human. by a lot of compassion for the woman I was in my 20s. And for me, thank goodness we didn’t have Facebook back then I probably be in trouble. But I know I would have in the past wasted a lot of time and energy and a lot of effort on stuff that was stupid but for me that was part of a distraction. You know what I really don’t want to deal with this pain so I’m gonna just get be distracted over here on stupid stuff. How much effort Do you want to spend? Is that how you want to spend your time? Do you want to go around like the woman who inspired this episode and police everyone? First you lose people for your cause when you do this, but I would be really exhausted. If I had to go around and police the world. I would just be tired. And don’t get me wrong. I am in this with you. I am constantly looking at how where am I doing this? You know I talked about people stealing your joy on the little mini episode. Who is making money You go crazy over stupid stuff. So how do we figure out is this where I want to put my time? And my energy? And my effort? Remember, awareness plus action equals change. think I did pretty good. I don’t think I mentioned that in the first couple episodes. So try not to repeat information. But I see so many people that just lose yours. I worked with someone the other day who hadn’t cleared clutter, my guess is 20 years. And you see that not only in the physical clutter, they see that in the manner and how people approach life and what they’re doing in their life. And if they haven’t accomplished what they’d hoped to at all manifests, it affects us. So how do we decide is this worth my time enough? evaluate, try to step back and become neutral because remember, we get our emotions involved, sometimes our emotions can override and you can be the most sensible person. But if you’re in a rage or cheerful about something, usually not thinking straight. Is your time spent better elsewhere? You know, for instance, do you want to police what people say, on Facebook? And if you do and you’re looking for something else, please contact me because there’s always something that I need support with and and done really is your time? Is that the best use of your time? You know, I’ve mentioned I’m 50 halfway through life a little more than halfway through life. I don’t want to spend wasting any more time on insignificant stuff.
And then ask yourself, Is it really your battle? This was someone looking for suggestions for an apartment. Was that her battle to get into, to correct the term that she used? I’d say no. And I think think there is such this sense of self righteousness and self righteousness comes from a womb let’s let’s not forget that, that people feel the need to, to take on everything and they and it is emotionally mentally physically. It is exhausting to spend all your mental energy, your energy, energy, your emotions. When you do that, to take the time to evaluate. Not my monkey not my circus is a favorite quote of mine. Does the thought of clearing your clutter overwhelm you? Clear your clutter inside now has 21 standalone chapters to fit your schedule and lifestyle. Stop being afraid, gain clarity and go at your own pace. The clear your clutter inside not workbook lets you record your thoughts. Step by step as you go through the book, free mp3 meditation with purchase, get control of your clutter, so your clutter doesn’t control you. reclaim time, money, sanity and resources. Learn more at reawaken your brilliance, calm and also available for purchase on Amazon. Make a plan if it is important to you, and you want to engage, remember to engage, don’t react, set a time to deal with when you’re in a good faith. You don’t want to let things fester. Because if you do that, then a lot of times it’s challenging not to let your emotions get involved. It’s challenging not to remain neutral. You say okay, it really is important to me because I think this language is nice again, a dictionary definition you guys is neutral. It is not gender specific. But say something else. You know, my friend made a really awful remark on on Facebook and I want to address it or she made it to me in the meeting last night. If it was me, I’d go home. I’d email coffee, I’d probably talk to coffee and probably check in with my friend Vince because Vince is he’s very analytical he he can keep his emotions out and I trust his judgment. And I talked to Tony, those three people, I’d probably look for an opinion on something if I was really bothered by something. That’s okay. Do on it a little bit. Contemplate How do I feel? How is it best to dress this and what I like to do is write things out. I’m just more comfortable with that. Because then I can get it neutral or if I have to write that first thing that’s like and then I can burn it and release it and then come up with What I’m going to say? And then I would say, hey, Susie, I’d like to talk to you about something you said the other night, it’s really important to me. And most people are going to respond positively. Wow, you know, wonder, okay, of course, let’s set the time up. You make a plan, okay? We’re going to talk at seven o’clock on whenever. And remember to use statements like I feel, instead of you did, you said you are. Bring it to you because you’re the one who’s upset, I feel upset that you said this. Maybe you aren’t aware. Perhaps you didn’t realize this could come across, whatever, whatever. And then you have a plan. You are in a good space and you can address it. You’re not just going crazy, and nutso and you’re coming from a place that you honor your emotions, you’re not just going off going crazy. And when you approach people like that you have a real chance that they may listen doesn’t mean they’re gonna change you go zero controller that, that they can usually hear you. When you come from that place. Ask yourself, does the costs outweigh the benefits? How does this affect you in the short term? The long term? Maybe the conversation was Susie will have a short term effect where she says, Oh, yes, Julie, I understand what you’re saying. But maybe it damages your friendship long term. Is it really going to affect you? Whether you do something or not? You know, I’m passionate about animals.
Trapping innocent animals isn’t okay with me, especially when you don’t check in and you’ve taken your neighbor’s cat and almost kill it. I couldn’t not say anything to that. Or their long term consequences. Yes, but I can live with that. If someone doesn’t like me Turning 50 has been really freeing. And then check in. Are you responding to your ego? You know, as I was writing my book, my uncle in the introduction and explaining ego, he’s like, No, no, no, or it’s, you know, my intuition always hasn’t been right. And I was like, hey, great feedback, because I’m going to address it. And I talked about that. And I say, when you’re in tune with your soul, that’s the right thing. If you’ve been quote unquote, wrong. That’s a whole other discussion. You probably were checking in and listen to your ego, instead of your soul. So ask yourself, Am I responding my ego? I want to correct this person, but you guys because I’m right. I am superior. My views are more important. Ask yourself that. How can you all achieve an outcome? Is there a solution where everyone can win Is it okay if you lose? And again, if you are watching this on YouTube, you’re seeing this if you’re listening to the podcast, I’m winning and losing in quotation marks. You know, you can come together as a community and say, Hey, cats and dogs sometimes escape. Please don’t put traps out. We’re responsible owners. Sometimes life happens. There’s a problem call, we’ll figure it out and fix it. Don’t assume that it was a cat that scratched your car when we back up to a wetland and we’ve seen raccoons. Don’t immediately demand to get your way. Talk to the community. Can you come up with a solution for everyone or if you lose? If someone’s angry at you or doesn’t talk to you again, and you live with that? Are you going to be okay with the outcome no matter what. talk it out. I mentioned this a moment ago. I like to write things out first. make notes. Because I’m visual, it just helps me kind of plan. I like to then double check. Am I making sure I’m saying I feel? Am I using language that is going to be welcoming? Or am I putting that barrier right off the bat, that someone’s just going to shut down too. And I talked it out. I talked to Tony, I talked to Cody, I talked to Vince, it allows me to kind of work through my mind or someone say, Whoa, do you understand how you’re coming across. So if you need to get that feedback, solicit that feedback, and talk it out, and then you’re going to be in a space where you can approach it. Make sure that you also kadhi is free. And actually, I would say all all of them are especially Tony, have someone that you can talk to about this, a safety person. Sometimes we just need to barf stuff up. Get that energy out and moving. I know that that’s one of the reasons YC coach because I just want to be able to say things freely and fully and not censor myself. It is exhausting to censor yourself and I, someone wants to told me I think this is true. Sometimes you just need to say it once, get it all out of your system and you’re good. Maybe you’re not gonna have a talk with Susie, maybe you’re not going to respond in Facebook, but just like today, and you barf it out. And you can say, to the person listening, I know I can say no matter what I’m going to say, and they’re not going to judge me for it. So they’re not going to know. I think Julie’s about person, Julie’s having a moment, she’s expressing all the crap that’s coming out, and then she can move on and offer to be that person for someone. Hey, whatever you say, barf it on out. I’m here, no judgment, the no judgment zone. You do what you have to do, to feel safe and to release it. Ask yourself Will you have any regrets? If you speak up for something, you know, I mentioned the neighbor neighbor doesn’t like me more important that I save a cat or have an angry neighbor. It’s no contest for me. And someone listening might be like, completely opposite. I need to have peace of mind. I’m not going to worry about a stray cat or I’m not going to worry about a neighborhood cat and that’s okay. We all have different priorities. We all have different perspectives. But ask yourself if you’re going to have any regrets, because that might be something you know,
poor human. I once had a friend get upset at me over something dangling, delaying delaying. And we were really good friends and we’re still really good friends because I realized, you know, come on. This is not worth something to call someone out on this is a moment they’re having they are genuinely good person. I’m not going to to mess it up over something stupid to be very clear, if you’re going to have regrets. My philosophy is that I post things that if the new york times were to post on the front page that I could live with, because I don’t believe or protecting Facebook, I just read. They’ve been reading our messages guys. There’s personal private messages, not private. I don’t know if they’ve been searching keywords or what they’ve been doing or it helps to send you products but they have been Snoopy snoopers. So I take social media and again, like everything that I do business wise, so I have a personal Facebook page, which is really, but it’s public, so anyone can follow me can read it. And I hope to get back posting positive things because I think we really need that but ask yourself if you have regrets and don’t believe that any social media post is private because it isn’t So my rule is, you know, I’m not going to post anything that I regret later. It’s kept me out of trouble. But ask yourself again, is that the hill you want to die on the battle worth fighting? Will you have regrets if you move forward? be neutral. I mentioned that a while back. You want to get in that space again when you’re unemotional. Because then you can listen to your spirit, you can listen to your soul, and then you can move accordingly. Choose your words wisely. Words can be weapons, you can either create a barrier, or you can create a welcoming bridge. It’s all up to you. Fry where you can come from love. I should probably do an episode this because I’ve had numerous discussions with people who think I’m kind of nutso and I think this is something that I’d have to plan out what I’m going to say. You can have boundaries and come from love. I think a lot of people see them as either or They can’t be an end and they can’t be joined together. And that’s not true. You can stand up and say, you know, this isn’t okay. And do it from a place of love. So whenever you’re able, you can say, You know what? That really hurt me. When you said this, and you say it from a place of love, or even if you’re angry boy, did what you say really anger me. And I’m trying my best to come from a place of love right now and it’s okay to say that. It is absolutely okay to say that. So work on getting neutral. That’s why if you have that safe person to talk to, you can kind of barf everything up. Get into that space of neutral and get into space when you come from love. Know what your limit is? Know what the line is. Know when you have to walk away If someone says something that’s below the belt, really insulting on Facebook, now you know what I’m done, it is time for me to shut the account down. It is time for me. I’m at a social event to walk away from someone, there is no reason you can’t do that. There’s no shame in that. The smart people know when to walk away and what your limit is, and I’ve reached it. I can’t I can’t hear y’all or not. I got to take a big step back. You don’t have to say that you say, You know what? I need to excuse myself from the conversation now. I’ve also said to people, when you’re ready to talk to me like an adult, I’m absolutely here, but I will not allow you and I will not tolerate you treating me like a child. Are you talking to me this way? Now it usually gets people gives them a moment to stop and think about stuff. So understand what that boundary is and when it’s crossed, walk away. And finally, probably the most challenging sometimes is let go when You can’t resolve not everything is going to be able to be resolved. You might not be able to change someone you know, they want to go on being arrogant and ignorant and stinky and all that you can’t control that. Put it in the god box. That’s what I call you could put it in the sole box or the goddess box or the universe box. So I have a box. And when I’m
having trouble letting go, I still do. I put it in the god box and I have a funny story. So I was bothered by something and I was really struggling and it’s on Facebook. And I follow a couple really interesting people but sometimes people that I follow, be like, Hey, you know, I’ll pull a card for you. Okay, yeah, you know what, I’m here. It’s happening right now. I kind of chuckled at first and she messaged me I’m like, I’m sorry, I can’t see the card. There’s a weird thing when I’m on my iPad. I can’t see messages from other people for not connected anyway, I cracked up because The hard was God box or something that was basically saying put it in the god box messenger See? I’d be like you know what I can’t control this it’s it’s eating up too much energy and frustrating me time to put it in the god box and trust that the universe, God The Goddess will handle it and take care of it. And sometimes that’s just what you have to do. There’s no shame in that. I think sometimes we get caught up and I gotta be able to solve this I should be able to do this. Let go the shoulda woulda coulda put it in the god box if you can’t resolve it. Thank you take actions from today’s podcast. decide where you want to put your energy, effort and time. evaluate what your priorities are. Consider a cost analysis make a plan to talk it out. Decide what the best possible outcome is. Be honest if you have regret. Have a safe person to talk to know when you need to walk away ask yourself is this the hill I want to die on? Let go what you can’t resolve. On our next episode, we’re talking about believing in yourself. Go out, clear your clutter to create the life you choose deserve and desire. When you clear your clutter, you can share your gifts with the world. Sign up for our free newsletter at reawaken your brilliance calm. If you’ve enjoyed clear your clutter inside now, please rate review and share us
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About Clear Your Clutter Inside & Out
Clutter is stuck stagnant energy and prevents you from creating the life you choose, desire and deserve. We discuss clutter in all its forms: energetic, spiritual, emotional, mental & physical, relationships, health, finances and more. We share tips and take action steps for clutter free living and how to organize your life and death with end of life planning. We’re thinking outside the box on areas where people might not realize where clutter is blocking them. When we remove clutter from our lives we can discover our passions, lead the extraordinary lives we are all meant to live and share our gifts with the world.
DIY Options To Clear Clutter
Purchase Julie’s books on how to clear clutter from your life: https://www.amazon.com/Julie-Coraccio/e/B07JGGL7ZL/ref=ntt_dp_epwbk_0
Subscribe to Clear Your Clutter Inside & Out Podcast https://reawakenyourbrilliance.com/resources-concierge-services/podcasts/self-help-podcast/
Check out more of my decluttering tips and how to get organized on my YouTube channel. https://www.youtube.com/user/SeibertRadio?feature=watch