Dancing with Your Dragon: How Can I Love Myself More? How Can I Have Self Love?
What are the parts of you, you do not love? Where do you not love yourself unconditionally? What is your unlovable dragon within like and how can you learn to slay him or her? Learn tips to discover how to love your unlovable self.
To learn more about Shaeri and the book: https://dancingwithyourdragon.com/
- Figure out your dragon. Where are you bitter? Where do you hate? Where do you reject yourself?
- Create a plan to heal your dragon.
- Observe how you love yourself conditionally. Research exercises on loving unconditionally. Choose exercises that speak to you.
- Look in the mirror in your eyes everyday and say I love you.
- Commit to loving yourself each day.
Certified life coach, author & award-winning professional life organizer Julie Coraccio shares steps and tips to support you in creating the life you choose, deserve and desire through decluttering your life, mindfulness and how to organize your life.
About Clearing the Clutter Inside & Out
Clutter is stuck stagnant energy and prevents you from creating the life you choose, desire and deserve. We discuss clutter in all its forms: energetic, spiritual, emotional, mental & physical, relationships, health, finances and more. We share tips and take action steps for clutter free living and how to organize your life. We’re thinking outside the box on areas where people might not realize where clutter is blocking them. When we remove clutter from our lives we can discover our passions, lead the extraordinary lives we are all meant to live and share our gifts with the world.
TRANSCRIPT LOVE MYSELF MORE
Julie Coraccio 0:00
Dan clearing the clutter inside and out. We’re talking about loving your unlovable self.
What are the parts of you? You do not love?
Where do you not love yourself unconditionally?
What is your unlovable dragon within life? And how can you learn to slay him or her?
Learn tips to discover how to love your unlovable self as we wrap up our month, focusing on love.
Are you ready to clear your clutter and share your gifts with the world? I teach you how to navigate the waters to declutter your life, get organized and become more mindful. Every episode I’ll give you take action steps that you can easily apply to your life. Come on. Let’s get started.
I opened up the archives with my interview with Sherry Richards. I’d forgotten about this interview. I think it’s really wonderful. I have to apologize in advance from the original recording. There’s a slight buzz. I know some people have criticized the podcast I have. Okay sound I do do a professional mic. And for those of you with Eagle ears, it might be a little bit frustrating. I tried a bunch of different ways to take it out. But I really believe the interview is worth listening to and I hope you do it. In this interview, Sherry talks about loving your unlovable self and her book, dancing with your dragon. I read the book and found it really beneficial.
Enjoy. Sherry Richards is an author, speaker and hypnotherapist with a background in communication and performing arts. In addition to her part time work as a filmmaker and musician. She spent 30 years in radio and television as a journalist and talk show
Host. During those years she spent her free time studying metaphysics, astrology and spirituality as tools for self discovery and effort that would become the foundation for her current work. Sherry makes her home in Sedona, Arizona with her husband Jerry, and their canine companion. mazie, who always makes them laugh. Welcome, Sherry. Hey, Julie. Thank you. Well, we’re thrilled to have you here. So your book is dancing with the dragon. Can you define the dragon for us? What exactly are you talking about when you say dragon? What I’m talking about is the rejected unclaimed, judged, disowned, denied parts of ourselves. And sometimes that might be a part that you think of as, as bad. Sometimes it can even be something that that’s actually good that you have that you’re denying that you have, like, maybe you don’t think you’re pretty and you project it out on other people and you say, oh, they’re really pretty and I wouldn’t be like them, but oh, I’m not or maybe they’re really talented and I’m not or they’re
Really smart, and I’m not whatever, whatever it is that you judge and you disown I call that to dragon. Now I want you to briefly talk about I’ve read your book. Can we do a shot of her book?
Hold on. Okay. I want everyone to see this. I read your book, I’d love for you to talk briefly about your story, because it’s very interesting when I think oh, you know, I could handle a lot of things. And when reading your book, I was like, Wow.
Wow. So briefly tell people what you I’ve never heard of anything like this. And I and the fact that you went through something that extraordinary and are here now. So just tell us a little bit about that. I will when I was 19 years old.
Shaeri Richards 3:41
My mother ended up having me committed to a mental hospital. And then while I was there, she got involved with my 20 year old boyfriend. And so when I got out of this hospital, she and he were together in a relationship. They had shipped my siblings off to other parts of the country. And so the first thing that happened is I ended up getting a
In a car with the two of them while they were in the front seat, queueing in love birding and just having all this good stuff with each other, and I was in the seat behind them going, Oh my god, what’s happening? And it was just the most horrendous, awful, traumatizing experience I could ever imagine. My mother later, this relationship lasted a couple of years for the guy and then he disappeared and she went off to India and became a spiritual teacher. And many years down the road. She ended up in Sedona where I was living started a mystery school. And in her mystery school, I spent 10 years and learned a lot of techniques that helped me heal this pain. That was actually the result of my experience with her in my younger years as a teenager and was quite profound. It would have I believe this was all a setup. I believe that I came here to have that experience. I came here to go through that process with her because what it forced me to do is it forced me to go in she never took responses.
ability or ever apologized or did anything regarding this, this situation with me, she never wanted to deal with my anger, she didn’t want to come in contact with that energy at all. But that energy was living inside of me. And I had to do something with it, I had to find a way to heal it. And so that meant I had to go and journey down to that hurt part of myself and find a way to hold her and love her and let her know that she was beautiful. And you know, heal from that whole experience. Now most people would be bitter about that their entire lives. But I would call that that you were able to dance with your dragon. So Can Can you tell us how do we dance with our own dragons and develop that awareness? What can people do?
Well, the first thing to do is to be aware that you have it I mean, some people are walking around with bitterness and anger and hatred and a lot of things that go at a deeper level and they’re not even really aware. And this was a little bit my situation as well.
was really what you call identified with being a good loving, sweet, kind, compassionate person. That’s who I thought that I was. And those were the thoughts that were most available to my conscious mind. But when I started to become aware at a deeper level, I noticed, whoa, there’s parts of me that are hateful. And there’s parts of me that are judging and there’s parts of me that are nasty. And so it might be reversed for other people, maybe they know the nasty parts of themselves. And they’re not aware of the fact that they have a kind, compassionate, loving soul that’s always available for them. But the piece that is the most important in my work is to just be aware, just notice what’s really going on and let yourself be honest about what’s really happening inside of you. A lot of my work is about unconditional love. And you hear about that? Why is it say and it’s I’ve talked a lot about not judging, you know, like not judging your anger. And you mentioned that we so many times decide this is good and this is bad.
If, if I have this anger, I shouldn’t have that. And I think it’s accepting I have I work with someone who talks about loving all of us and loving those parts of us. And kind of what you do in the book, not saying oh, this is unlovable, and I’m a bad person, because I do that, but accepting it. So you talk a lot about accepting and allowing to find inner peace. So can you elaborate on that? Absolutely. When you have these various aspects, and we all do, to try to fight with them, just creates difficulties. I liken it in my book to a partner dance, everybody’s into part Dancing with the Stars these days. And partner dancing is this really hot thing and it was actually one of my favorite sports as a young person. And still I love partner dancing, so I know a lot about it. And there’s two positions when you partner dance. There’s the leading and the following. Usually males are leading and females are following but you can switch back and forth. And so when your partner dancing, it’s important to just simply know which one
position you’re in and to follow along with it. And so if you’re not following along, if you’re in a fight, then the dance looks like a fight. And when a dance looks like a fight, it’s just not fun. And so when you’re fighting with yourself, when you’re fighting with these different aspects of yourself, you’re always in a struggle, there’s no harmony, there’s no beauty, there’s no grace. So what you want to do is just learn to allow, if you see a part that you don’t like about yourself, you just breathe into it. You give it space, you allow it to expand, and pretty soon it moves, it’ll change and then maybe a thought comes again, what I have found in my work is that our feeling bodies are very responsive to our minds. So when you think I’m ugly, there’s some part that’s immediately gonna go home ugly. It’s like this little kid inside they cringes. Just like if you told your own child that your child was ugly. They’re going to they’re going to cringe up and become unhappy.
And read in contract. And that’s what happens inside each of us in response to our own thoughts. Of course, it happens in response to other people if they say something nasty too. But if you can learn to not do it inside yourself, you’ll never have to react to anybody outside of you. You’ll be free. I love that. And I think that’s so true. And I want to remind everyone, if you have a question for Sherry, I’m monitoring chat and happy to ask your question. You can also call 919-518-9773 if you’re in the triangle area, or we know we have listeners across the country Skype and computers to Kay voice. And Sherry, why do so many of us do you think because you work with people on this? Keep our dragon locked inside? And what would you suggest as a first safe step that someone could do in dealing with their dragon?
A lot of people are afraid of those energies. These these energies inside for me personally was anger. It can be different types of energy depending on who you are. So
This is very stereotypical, but women tend to repress and judge their anger. And men often repress and judge their more vulnerable soft parts. So what the first step and this is the first step in almost everything that I talk about is just to notice, just be aware, I have something that I call the Dragon ometer. And all it is is a little device that I created you can imagine in your own head what it’s like but what it is it’s a tool for becoming conscious of what’s happening inside your your mind, what is your thought process? So as you are engaging your dragon ometer you simply notice what are you thinking what’s happening in there? Notice right now just stop and notice Are you judging what I’m saying? Are you judging something that Julie’s saying, Are you judging your own response? Are you are you do have thought patterns going on while you’re listening? Is there something that is a that’s happening underneath the surface like a an analyst or our
You simply just taking information in, if whatever you’re doing, it doesn’t matter. Just notice what you are doing. That’s how you begin to expand your awareness. I remember when I was like 20 years old what as I first began to be a meditator and explore all these things. One day, I was standing in my apartment, a hallway, and all of a sudden, I noticed a little thought, peek into my head, and then it went away. And I pushed it away, I push the thought away, and I’m like, wow, there’s a thought that’s in there. And I was unwilling to think it. I didn’t want to know what it was. that fascinated me that there were things going on inside of my psyche that I was unwilling to be conscious of. So there’s a huge possibility for awareness within our beingness. And if you just allow yourself to start to notice, notice what’s going on. Now I also have a tool that is in my book that I call the emotional alarm clock, and it’s very much connected with the Dragon ometer, which I’ll get back to a little bit in a minute.
And what it does is it just the emotional alarm clock just sets off a ringing, when you start to feel something, so if you’re not used to feeling if you’re more of a thinker, like I was most of my life, then you have to start to become aware of the feeling level of being. So let’s say you’re walking around and someone says something, and there’s a little, there’s a little event that happens inside of you, you have to catch that event. Right? When it’s happening. That’s your emotional alarm clock going off. And then you have to notice, okay, I had an emotional reaction to that. What was that? What triggered me? How did that happen? Where does that start? What is it that I’m needing from that person that I didn’t get that I can give to myself? These are the all the tools that you begin to utilize to help you expand your consciousness and begin to be able to,
to monitor your own being so that you can become more balanced in life and live life more gracefully.
Usually, without having drama and fighting and, and neediness that doesn’t get satisfied and pain and suffering and all of these things. And so the Dragon ometer. The the key point I want to make about the Dragon ometer is that it is a meter. And if you compare it to any other kind of meter like for example, a speedometer, as speedometer and a car is metering how fast we’re going, but it does not judge how fast we’re going. If you’re going 95 miles an hour on the highway, it doesn’t say you’re going 95 miles an hour, you’re gonna get a ticket. You might say that inside yourself. It just simply says you’re going 95 miles an hour, it’s a meter It doesn’t just wouldn’t judge what it’s reporting. It just reports. So what you want to do is become conscious of what’s happening with your energy. How are you using your energy? Are you trying to manipulate outside yourself to get your needs met? Do you have needs that you that you want to get mad? How about
You’re using your power. How are you? Are you judging yourself? Are you judging others? It’s just noticing what am I doing in this moment? How is this this body mind system that I call me operating? As this is the way that you develop your conscious awareness to share you mentioned already and you you talk about it in your book, you talk about meditating. And I’m someone that meditates too and did it regularly for a while and got off. And I really believe that that helps with awareness. And obviously you do too, because you wrote about in the book, are there other tools such as meditation that you would recommend to someone as they’re starting this awareness that they might be able to do that will help them in this process? Yeah, absolutely. Meditation is one. You know, when you quiet your body and sit down and start to watch what’s happening in your mind, you’ll really begin to notice
there’s a lot going on in there. There’s a whole thought process that hardly ever ever, ever slows down. And if you’re looking to meditate in order to
To get more connected with the higher worlds, you want to try to drop in between the thoughts. This is a little more advanced in my work I, I divide my work into three parts the book is in three parts, it’s the first part is the dragon. So I talked a lot about the dragon and the emotional body and the little child within and the importance of connecting down with that child and helping that child to heal so that you can become more balanced and more mature. And then the middle part is I call the dance, which is learning to connect with the divine. It’s about a partner dance with, with God really, I use the word the divine because it’s nondenominational. It’s the higher spiritual parts of self that you can bring in. I described how to bring this energy in through your crown chakra and really bring it down into the parts of you that hurt and this is a process of developing the heart chakra and the compassion and the love. Firstly, for yourself, start with yourself and then you can
Once you’ve mastered that you can reach out and do it for others as well. And then the third part of the book is called the practice because all spiritual work requires practice. And dancing requires practice and writing requires practice, anything you want to do, and become a master of requires practice. So the practice part of the book as exercises, many, many exercises that you can do exercises for your physical body, for your mental body, for your emotional body and for your spiritual body. And it’s it’s a process of development that allows you to just simply grow in who you are and become more of yourself allowing and accepting all the various parts of yourself.
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And what I appreciated most because I did read the book is they were practical things, you know, you don’t have to go off to Tibet and meditate for a year you know it, that’s great if you can do that, but most of us live crazy busy lives and that’s not an option. But these are things that people can do. in the morning and afternoon, they have a 15 minute break, so they’re easily accessible. And I’d love for you now to talk a little bit about archetypes and how they relate to pain.
Well, our archetypes are kind of an interesting thing to understand. archetypes are simply
expressions of energy that are almost one dimensional. So for example, you could break down archetypes into there’s a teacher now if you if you have
Teacher as a person, she is a whole person and she or he has many, many different qualities woven together. But the teacher archetype is one who wants to impart knowledge. So that is a teacher archetype. If you have a clown archetype, that’s just somebody who’s being funny, all the time. If you have a child archetype, that’s simply the child part of us that that is,
in the moment present alive, would be a playful child or a wounded child would be the part of us that’s hurt and in pain, so it’s a one dimensional type of an expression. And you can see it with actors to sometimes actors are cast one dimensionally. They’re always playing the like, Marilyn Monroe pretty much played the sex pot. That was her her archetype that she embodied this sexual divine goddess. You didn’t see her playing a schoolmarm. It wasn’t part of what she was able to access a really amazing actress can like Meryl Streep can do anything. She tried.
forms in front of your eyes. So that’s an understanding of archetypes. Now what happens is, if you get identified with being a particular archetype, like you feel like you always have to be the clown, for example. And because maybe when you were young, you got a lot of attention for being the clown, and people laughed and you felt love. And so now you feel like you always have to be that, that can cause pain that can cause you to suffer. So what’s important is to be able to let go of attachment to any of these different parts and allow other parts of the self to come forward, so that you can be free in your expression. And, and just to become aware, if you are attached to a certain archetype. Another way it could cause pain is if you are attracted to a certain archetype outside of yourself, and you’re only willing to be with that particular person or a person who expresses that particular character. Sometimes that works great. But sometimes maybe that’s not the type of thing
person you’re meant to have in this lifetime. Maybe that’s what you’re meant to be with in your inner world, that type of archetype, but not in your outer world. And, and I’m a hypnotherapist as well. And one of the types of sessions that I offer is a session called meeting your inner mate, where you basically go on a journey in your inner world and you’re able to contact the mate within you the one who knows exactly what you need exactly when you need it looks exactly how you want them to look carries all of those things that we tend to project on an outer mate, who rarely, if ever can live up to it and then problems start to happen. But by developing a relationship with this inner mate, then you become integrated and connected and whole and are able to then move in harmony with your outer mate in a much much easier fashion and perhaps even attract somebody wait different than you might have ever thought you were attracted to in the past. Did I answer your question fully about the pain in the archetypes Julie? You did
Julie Coraccio 21:00
And we actually have a question for you on chat. And I want to remind everyone chat in a question. Or you can call 919-518-9773, or Skype us at computers to K voice. Red high heels says, My self esteem is related to what I can get from men. Is that wrong? And then I’m trying to ask for clarification, they said, it’s so easy with the question mark. So I don’t understand that. But can you address red high heels? Probably even guessing from your name, I would guess that you have the archetype of you know, Marilyn, that you’re, you carry the sexuality and you have that particular power. I would call that a power because I translate archetypes to power. And so you’re easily able to use that to attract energy. It’s not that it’s wrong, but it will disempower you in the end because you become dependent on them in the outer world to get it and you can get it right now. But what would happen God forbid if you had some accident and something got disfigured or as you get older.
Shaeri Richards 22:00
As we all do, you become dependent on something from the outer world, that that can cause you a lot of pain and suffering if you don’t get it. So what you really want to do is no you have that power, yay you and then just be able to stand in it. But to find a way to get your needs met the need for attention, the need for love the need for, for self acceptance and self esteem, that’s an energetic that you can actually learn to draw in from your higher self, or from this inner meat process. If you connect with an inner meat in your inner world, and learn to be able to give that little girl inside because bottom line, it’s a little girl inside that needs to know that she’s loved to help her understand that from the inside, and then you’re still going to have your sexuality and your beauty and men will still be attracted to you. But it won’t be the little girl dragon part of you manipulating or using that in order to feel good. It will be simply a gift or a power that you carry that you will
radiate into the world and that other people can appreciate, but not something that you need in order to feel good about yourself. Does that make sense? We’ll see red high heels, let us know. But you brought up an interesting point that I’d like you to expand on. Why do you think so many of us look outside of ourselves for value and define who we are? Why do you think that happens?
I think we were brought up that way. And in a way, you know, we’re used as used to as young people. We’re used to looking toward our parents, did we do that right? are we are we acceptable we look to our peers, we look to society. And it’s just a we kind of the way that I explained it. I talked about this some in my book we have needs were material beings. And as material beings, we have needs, we have needs for food, we have needs for love, we have needs for respect, we have all these different needs. And so when you really want to become an empowered person, to become an individual, the only
When you can become a unique being is to not fear that you’ll lose what you need from the outer world if you don’t conform. So in other words, you you have to be able to trust that you can empower yourself, receive your guidance from the divine and trust what that guidance is, and stand up and say, No, if something’s not right, or have the courage to express something totally unique and different, in the way that you dress or the way you present yourself or what you say, something that comes from you something that’s a self expression. And what I find if you do that, and you do it from a place of heart, you do it from a place of caring about yourself and about the other. You’re going to create a harmonious, vibrant, amazing kind of, of way to move through life. That will be really, really exciting. But if there’s a fear that if I don’t conform
If I don’t get the approval that then I’m going to lose this thing that I so greatly desire from the outer world, that fear can cause so much suffering because you cannot control somebody out there. And this was a huge problem. For me. That’s one of the reasons I wrote the book, you know, to just bring in astrology, just briefly, I’m an astrologer. Also, I have a Capricorn moon, and anyone with Capricorn, in their chart, or heavy Saturn in their chart is likely to have this really strong, this need for approval from the outside. And often, you don’t even see the approval that you get. You want the approval from the person that doesn’t see you, right, the one that doesn’t give you the approval. So it’s like, Oh, if only that person approved me, if only the New York Times reviewed my book, and instead it was great, then I could be happy. Right? And that is this terrible trap. Because they may never. And so now the New York Times or that guy down the street or your dad or whoever it is, has the power for you to suffer your whole life.
life waiting for them to say you’re okay. You’re okay, right now. And if you learn to tune in to this divine realm, the divine will shower you with the knowledge that you’re okay every moment. And that’s what I’ve come to learn to depend on. If I get frightened in my little emotional body, I just learned to tune into the divine and feel that that shower, it comes down to the Crown Chakra. And it’s just like, yeah, everything’s beautiful right now. Everything is lovely. It always is okay, even whatever’s going on out there. All the tragedies, all the problems with money, all the love things. In the moment, there’s still this connection with the divine. That brings this amazing, lovely, juicy, yummy, wonderful love energy and it’s always there. 24 seven, it never goes away. We go away, but it doesn’t. I want you to talk about now about negatively judging power because I’d say especially in our country right now.
A lot of people were understandably so pissed off, you know, at the powers that be. So I want you to talk about that and also the natural flow of power because you touched about that on your book in your book. You’re gonna have to read, reframe or explain your question a little more about negatively judging power as it relates to politics and whatnot. Well, you don’t have to relate it to politics, how my original question was talked about negatively judging power and the good and bad of archetypes. So I’d put that together as a question. But, you know, my understanding is, you know, you talked about negatively judging power, because, you know, as a way to positively judge it, and you talk later about the natural flow of power.
Power. Well, power is just power is just power. So power is neither good nor bad. And the way I like to use an example for that is to talk about electricity. So let’s say you go and you flip on your light switch, and you’re
light comes on and you have electricity to our new computer. Wow, that is really great. That’s a wonderful, wonderful power. But now let’s say you have a short in your electrical wiring in your house and your house burns down. Wow, that’s really a terrible power electricity. The power itself was neither good nor bad. It’s just electricity. It’s how we use it, that that determines its helpfulness or its harmfulness in the world. So power, I often defined power. If you have a lot of power, it usually means you have something that other people want. That’s what gives you power. So politicians have power, because they have the power to affect things to change laws to help people’s businesses to help people personally, they have power, and that they and all of us have to be incredibly conscious as to how we use our power when we do have it. Are we using it to manipulate or are we using it to try to get our needs met. For example, with red high heels. I’m not sure if I
Exactly answered her question but, but for anyone who’s using their sexuality to manipulate in order to get attention or something like that, that’s a misuse of power. But say you’re really really intelligent and you are able in a group situation to make a smart remark that, that puts someone else down and get you a laugh. Well, I would call that a misuse of power. It’s a way to get attention, but you’re, you’re getting attention at the expense of someone else. You’re you’re getting your needs met when you’re not with your sexuality. And I did this when I was young too. I had to learn this, you know, to to properly use my sexuality to not you know, vibe it around people if I was not ever planning on having a relationship with them to lead them along, in order to get my personal needs met because my little girl felt lonely or, or sad or not pretty or whatever it was. This requires real honesty to, to open up and say, Whoa, I’m actually
Doing that that’s part of my dragon. I’m doing that and to not judge yourself for it, just to say, Well, okay, I’m doing that and I’m okay. And I can make a choice that I’m going to do something differently. Okay. Yeah, I think that sounds good. We have a question I want to get to from Johnny read and I want to remind you if you have a question on chat, happy to ask it or call 919-518-9773 or Skype us at computers to K voice, Johnny red would like to know what do you mean by crown chakra and juicy energy? Sounds a little weird. They don’t understand. Okay, well, the crown there’s their seven chakras. And they start basically down at the root which is around your pelvic area. Then the second chakra is done right around your navel. That’s where the emotional body mostly works out of the third chakra is Oh, right above your belly button in there that is a power center. Then you’ve got your heart chakra, and your throat chakra is here. And this is your third eye and this is your crown. It’s the top of your head.
And so each chakra has a function. They’re basically related to the endocrine glands in the eastern religion. They, they say that the Shockers are actually in the subtle bodies. This is all kind of woowoo metaphysical stuff, but but you can read about it. It’s all over the internet, you can find lots and lots of information on it. And I worked with a lot in my mother’s mystery school. The Crown Chakra is the one that brings in spiritual energies. And it’s receptive, it’s like a cup. So if you imagine a cup or a crown sitting on the top of your head, and you put your attention up there, and you imagined energy or light or
energy, I know some people don’t understand what that is, and it takes a little while it’s almost experiencial you have to work with it. But you can imagine yourself turning into a cup and being filled with divinity with light with energy, with love from the spiritual realms. That’s just a real basic introduction to the to the chakras.
Julie Coraccio 32:00
But like I said, Google chakras, you’ll you’ll find numerous sites that will completely satiate your curiosity. Sherry, I’d love for you to share the story about your ex, when you did the walkway, and why they disapproved. And if it was someone’s true purpose, in that little instance, it happened to you what would you tell them to do?
Shaeri Richards 32:24
Well, when I was married to my ex husband, I have a husband currently who is wonderful and we just get along famously, but my ex was one that whose approval I really, really desired. And at one point, I was in radio and television at a broad broadcast career and I ended up quitting that and you know, just wanted some time to meditate and write and do some other things and, and we had purchased a new house and kind of the trade off was is he was gonna pay all the bills if I handled stuff around the house, so I wasn’t working and I was used to getting most of my approval from what I did in my work.
environment. And I decided I’m going to build a walkway to our front porch. And so I just got all excited. I got some garden hose and I laid out this kind of wavy walkway and I got some mulch and I designed this whole thing. And when I got done, he came home from work that night, I went, Wow, look what I did look what I did. And he was like, Oh, that looks you know, that looks awful. And I felt like I’ve drawn a picture and daddy said, Boy, you’re a terrible artist, you’ll you’ll never succeed. And I was just devastated. And I really didn’t know why I had no idea why I was so upset. And it took me several days, I believe, of really exploring the emotion and really working out on the inside. Before I came to understand that I was actually seeking his approval. And that in fact, it might have been one of the reasons that I did the walkway in the first place was to try to get his approval. So to answer Julie’s question, what I realized is the fact that he
condemned my little art project hurt me. But it also woke me up to what I was doing, which provided me a great awareness. And because I wasn’t identified with being a landscape architect, I was able to get over it, and go and hire a landscape architect and get somebody who could actually make a really beautiful walkway that we could both enjoy. Now, if I had been called to be a landscape architect, and maybe this was my first expression of creating something like this, and he had criticized me, then I would have had to know inside myself through my own personal guidance. I’m meant to do this. This is part of my calling. And I’m not going to take it personally just because this particular person didn’t like what I do. I know that I’m meant to do this work. And I’m going, I’m going to go and study and I’m going to go and get better at it. Because this is what I’m meant to do just as, as my work as a writer and also an actress. You just keep studying your craft. You just keep practicing. You keep practicing until you get back
And if you’re developing spiritual tools, same thing, you keep practicing, you notice that you’re, you’re manipulating out there. There’s like, Oh, well, I just did it again. Okay, forgive yourself, and you just move into the next moment. Instantly forgive yourself and move into the next moment. That’s, that’s how you keep moving forward without having to beat yourself up when you make a mistake or punish yourself for Oh my God, I was so stupid or I did that wrong, you take a deep breath, you let that go. And now it’s the next moment. I really appreciate this because I feel this is my calling. Like, it took me long enough to get here and looking back on my life. I see how everything fits together and it all makes sense, but some people are like, Oh, you haven’t had formal training but a lot of Mike me, you know, and ignore that and be like, okay, I just have to trust the process. And know, okay, this is what you’re meant to do, and it’ll, you know, divine timing, blah, blah, blah, but keep your nose to the grindstone and keep doing it. Absolutely.
Julie Coraccio 36:00
We’d love for you to talk about freedom from identification. Hmm.
Shaeri Richards 36:06
That’s a good one. This is a word, this word identification. That was one of my mother’s favorites. Remember, she became quite a well respected spiritual teacher after she, you know, did the thing with my boyfriend. Early on, she left and she went to India. She was with a enlightened master for many years. And then when he left the body, he left his reign of power to 21 people and she was one of them and, and then she came to Sedona and started this mystery school. And one of her favorite things to say to me all the time was you’re identified, you’re identified, I’d be crying, I’d usually it was having boyfriend troubles, and I were like, Oh, you were so bad to me did this I do that? Well, I’m crying and Jackie identified, and I never knew I couldn’t understand what she was talking about. And it took me a while but as I kept playing with it, I finally noticed Okay, oh, there’s a part of me that’s crying. And then there’s another part of me that can
See me crying but but isn’t crying. So the part when you’re identified with something you’re so caught up in it that you can’t see that there’s any other perspective. Like it might be, let’s say, if you’re in a house, and you’re looking out the window, and you don’t ever turn your head, you refuse to turn your head, you never know that there’s, there’s another wall and there’s another window and there’s a door over there. And there’s, there’s all these other things going on, but you can’t see them because you’re locked into this one perspective. So identification means you’re locked in one perspective. And if you’re identified with your, let’s say, your career, I have had stages in my life when I’ve been identified with a job. Maybe I had radio jobs in the past and they give you you know, a certain form of power because you’re on the radio and people know you and, and that there’s a power in that and I’d be identified with wanting to have that power because I would feel okay. People will like me, if
If I don’t have that, this gets me attention, who will I be without that I’ll be nothing, that kind of thing. But when it was time to move on, I had to work with that and detach from that particular career and recognize, I am something no matter what it is I do in the world, it has nothing to do with that I am my beingness and the more that I connect with my soul, and the more that my soul and I become unified, the more that sense of light and, and presence and, and divine power comes through me and just walking down the street, you know, I am shining this light and that’s all I ever need to do. So, so identification is being attached to a certain viewpoint or a part of self. And when you set yourself free from that you become more open to everything and you become more capable, capable of expanding your awareness into all that is
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Julie Coraccio 39:37
Now, another thing that I feel very strongly about, you talked in your book about deep body awareness and being inside our bodies, I think that’s so essential because I think a lot of us aren’t so besides grounding or in addition to grounding, what can people do and like you to talk about that about body awareness and being inside our bodies, but and then maybe make some suggestions on what people can do to accomplish that.
Shaeri Richards 40:01
If this is also a process of awareness, I remember in my book I talked about that we have, we have four bodies, many different
traditions break it down into a lot of different ways. But I found the simplest way to understand this, this metaphysical experience of being a human on planet Earth is to understand there are four by four bodies, so the physical body, and then the emotional body, the mental body, which is related to the mind and then the spiritual body. And the physical body is on the earth, plane housing all of the rest of us. So in order to become more aware of the body, it’s a process of dropping your attention down into your body, whereas society that tends to live in our heads, we’re kind of trained through school we start thinking we start studying, we start analyzing, we’re very mentally oriented with the televisions on and radios on and books and information overload and we forget
body, one of the best ways to get into your body is take a deep breath. Really just breathe down into your body, feel the breath, come in through your nose, and drop down into your lungs. If you can get it all the way down into your belly, notice how that feels. It’s just like enjoying,
enjoying food, even, you know, if you take a bite, do you really put it in your mouth and really taste it. Let those little molecules of sensation, have an explosion in your mouth really be present. This is what they they say what they mean when they talk about being present. being present on the physical plane is a way to really get down here into your body. When you’re walking, stop and notice, feel your foot each time you place it on the ground in front of you. Notice that connection. There’s an energetic connection that happens. This is a wonderful way to develop
your sexuality I mean, the whole idea of, of tantric sexuality was not something I talked too much about in my book but but that I’ve worked with quite a bit, is that when you begin to understand energy as it moves through your body, then when you connect with another person sexually, it’s not just two bodies rubbing against each other. It’s two energies that can move in and outside of each other. So you’re not limited to you, you can merge beyond the physical skin, you can actually have each other’s energies dancing and moving inside of each other. And this is
incredibly magical and powerful. And you can do that with another human but also when you’re working with developing your spirituality, in an essence, you’re having magical, energetic experiences with the divine realms to which are quite, quite divine. This is the best word to use to describe it. And so when you’re washing the dishes, for example,
Just are doing anything that doesn’t require you to use your mind and to focus your mind.
Do the thing that you can do on automatic, like wash the dishes and drop your attention and notice, am I tightening my rear end muscles? And my tense? How am I holding my shoulders? Where are they? Where’s my head?
What’s happening with my hands are my feet tight. Whenever there’s tension in the body, that delicious energy that I’m talking about, it gets blocked. It’s like if you took a garden hose and you twisted it, and it got a knot in it, then the water can’t move. And the energy moving through your body works just the same every place that there’s tension, the energy gets blocked. So you practice relaxing. relaxing and meditation are almost synonymous with one another. The first thing that you do when you meditate is you go through at least in my mind teaching of meditation as you go through and you relax every part of your body.
Starting with your feet moving on up. And as the body relaxes the emotions relax, the mind relaxes, and the awareness expands. So just the first step to, to developing body awareness is to just try it. Do it take the time to explore what’s going on down there. What’s happening down there, we go ahead.
One of the
metaphors I use in my book is the metaphor of an apartment building. And so if you just imagine that your body is an apartment building, and your your thoughts are are the male tenants and your feelings are the female tenants, and then your conscious awareness is like the superintendent. And it’s the superintendent’s job to get in the elevator which runs right down through the center of your body. This is actually a channel that they teach in the Kabbalah. We’ll just call it the central channel down the center of your body. The superintendent gets in there and he pushes the elevator button down.
He just goes down. You just imagine yourself taking an elevator down inside of your body and then it gets off on all the different floors and he just looks around. Oh, what’s going on down there in my heart? What’s going on down there in my belly? Oh, there’s a little wiggly. Whoo, that feels weird. Oh, my butt muscles are all tight. Wow, I can feel my thighs are clenched. Whoo. You know, and then you just say thighs relax. And if you ask your thighs to relax, they will. It’s quite amazing. If you practice relaxation, if you just invite your fingers to relax, they’ll relax. Bite your toes to relax. They’ll relax. And you just have to practice this. And the more you practice it, the better you get at it, and then pretty soon you can just be walking in the world and notice Oh, I’m a little bit tense.
Shake it off a little bit. Take a deep breath.
Okay, now I’m relaxed again. We’ve got a couple questions for you on chat and I’ll do Johnny reds first because he was talking we were just talking
Julie Coraccio 46:00
Sounds interesting and can’t hurt. But I work for IBM and can’t see me doing all this at work. Do you have something for us in the corporate world?
Shaeri Richards 46:08
do it more internally. I mean, you can notice while you’re sitting in your chair, whether your body’s tight or not, right, you’re just sitting there you’re looking at your computer, and no one else can tell what you’re doing inside your body or what you’re thinking like that. So just notice while you’re sitting at your computer, start with your feet. Notice on my feet 10 star my toes curled in, are my feet flat on the ground and my sitting up straight in my chair. Notice you notice notice if you’re holding like I’ve been saying your your buttock muscles, tightly, practice breathing, you can while you’re sitting at your computer, take a deep breath.
Unknown Speaker 46:47
Just let it out with a sigh, no one’s going to pay too much attention to that.
Shaeri Richards 46:53
Those kinds of things do it internally. You know, meditation happens very quietly. I like shaking around and jumping around and dancing. And all this kind of stuff that’s, well, you can do that at home. But these other kinds of things you can do, you can do it while you’re standing in the grocery line. You know, you can just become aware of what’s happening inside of you. Where am I? Not just in my mind? Where is my body? What am I feeling? What’s going on down there? Am I having a reaction? Am I having a need? Do what am I doing this report and, and all the while that I’m doing it thinking, Okay, I want my boss to really give me a raise. I want my boss to tell me how great it is. I really need my boss to tell me how wonderful it is. And then you finish the report and the boss doesn’t notice it. They just take it and pass it on to whoever needs to go. They don’t say thank you. They don’t say you did a great job. They don’t give you anything and you’re devastated by it. That’s something that needs to be addressed then because because you’re giving your power to the boss. You’re no longer holding or containing your power inside of you. You’ve given all of your ability to feel good out there to this person and if they don’t recognize You, you’re deflated. And that is a real uncomfortable place to be. It’s so disempowering. So the more you can learn to just say to yourself, wow, I did a really great report. And if the boss likes it great. And if he doesn’t say anything, you know what, I’m really proud of myself that I did this great report and I know it’s great. And you do know when you do something good. Chances are, you know it yourself. And you can tell your little kid inside. Hey,
Julie Coraccio 48:27
Unknown Speaker 48:28
you did really good and pat her on the head because that’s what she wants. So I write a lot about working with the little child within because they are really a huge key to the emotional body. When they’re happy, we’re happy.
Julie Coraccio 48:41
All right, excellent. We have another follow up question from warrior spirit when you were talking about identification. They asked don’t we need to identify with something some type of identification, businessmen, father, mother, Doctor, etc. your thought on that?
Unknown Speaker 48:55
I do. Well, that’s really interesting. Those are all roles. And as long as you What’s the rule? And you know, you’re playing the role? You’re cool? Yes, we need to. We are all living roles, we’re living the role of the employee, we’re living the role of the dad or the mom, we’re living the role of the girlfriend or the boyfriend, we’re living the role of, you know, the creative person or the friend, when you’re identified with it. That means if you don’t get recognized for the role, or you don’t get treated properly in it, or you don’t get the opportunity to play it, then you suffer. If you’re not identified with it, it can just be like an actor who’s going out on the stage and saying, Okay, today I’m playing the villain, and they get all out there and they do their villain thing, and then they get off the stage and they’re back to being their sweet self, but they had fun playing the villain in that moment or playing the loving person, whatever. It’s a role that you move into. And when you’re studying esoteric teachings or Eastern teachings, they’re teaching you to decide identify with everything so that you can find God and that’s, that’s the whole point of the dis identification because when you’re not identified, then you’re open to become everything and to feel everything and to experience everything. So it’s just it’s just about, again, awareness, awareness, awareness, awareness. I, I speak about it over and over and over again. It’s like if you are aware if you know what’s happening, then you have choice, then you can choose to do this or choose to do that. If you’re not aware, then you just get drugged along by your impulses by your needs. By by your dragon. Your Dragon is dragon you’re not dancing with you.
Julie Coraccio 50:42
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Talk one of my favorite things in the book talk about acting in as opposed to acting out. Hmm.
Shaeri Richards 51:18
Well, when we act out, we tend to
throw a tantrum have a fit, be in a reaction with someone, we’re having a problem. Let’s say you’re having a relationship thing. And you know, often it’s, it’s this is stereotypical, but it happens this way quite often, woman wants more attention. And the partner or the boyfriend or the husband or whatever is like watching TV or doing the sports thing or whatever. And she’s not getting her needs met. And so she calls a big meeting and she, you know, lays down the line and I need this and I need that and I need this and I need that and then he gets defensive and he pulls in, and he doesn’t want to talk about it, and then they’re sitting there and they’re both Mad and then maybe someone slams the door and walks out. Nothing happened where you got your needs met, the end of that whole experience did not create what you want, which is intimacy and love and support and respect and all those kinds of things. So by acting in you, you become aware of the part that the other person’s playing and what you want from them. And let’s say the other person is not paying enough attention to you and that’s what you want. Then you you take that part and you turn it inside, and you start to notice you act in with it, okay? Is there a way that I’m not paying enough attention to myself? What could I give myself to make myself more happy? I need to go out and go to the movies and he wants to watch the football game. Can I take myself out to the movies? Can I get a friend to go with me to the movies? How can I take care of my own need, and the more you can take care of your own need, the more empowered you are and the possibility there is that the person who you’re in relationship with will be more available to you to, to naturally meet the need without your having to ask. Because when you’re blaming them and saying you’re not doing it, right, they get defensive. That’s just that’s just what happens. They get defensive and you get defensive. And then you just have a stalemate, you have a fight. And that’s not what we want. We want intimacy, we want love, we want support. So that’s what acting is all about. It’s about taking responsibility for your own reaction. Don’t try to play it out with the other person outside, stop, leave the room. Notice the reaction you’re having. Notice if there’s a way that you can fulfill whatever that part once inside yourself, take a deep breath. And then when you come back into a state of balance, and you’re no longer in a reaction, if you want to have a discussion, if you want to say look, you’ll make me really, really happy if you went to the movies with me once a week. Do you think you can go to the movies With me once a week and say, Well, I think about a new say, Okay, cool. And then next thing, you know, you guys are doing something fun with each other, let’s eat dinner, okay? You know, then you can connect and come back to the moment and not still be and while he will never go to the movies with me, and he won’t do that, and she won’t do this, and then you’re in a fight, when there’s a possibility of you guys actually being together and having fun, you’re there with each other. You want to have fun with each other, you want to be in love with each other, it’s just your minds, and holding on to these old things that makes you not be able to be in the love and have the experience and this does work. I totally changed my relationships with with people by learning to take care of my own needs inside. So much more freedom and so much more love and so much more possibility in my life than I used to have. So I’m not talking from from book learning, I’m talking from life experience, you practice these things and you will grow.
Julie Coraccio 54:51
I think that’s a fantastic example and one that I’m sure many of us can relate to talk about the magic mirror and how that can help us with self growth. And
Shaeri Richards 55:02
so the magic mirror is, is a wonderful tool. I had another friend who I was talking with about the magic mirror. And he said, though I call that if you spot it, you got it. And I thought that was a really great way of putting it as well. But what it means is that when you’re looking out into the world, and you see something out there that you don’t like and you can’t tolerate, chances are that that means you have it and you can’t tolerate it in yourself. So, for example, let’s say you’re looking out in the world and you see somebody that’s arrogant. And when you see that arrogant person that just goes, ah, that can’t stand them. They’re so arrogant. Oh, they just disgust me. Ah, and you have that kind of reaction. That means that somewhere inside of you is this arrogant part. Now, maybe you’re not acting out on it. Maybe you’ve got it really buried, but maybe it wants to brag about itself. Or maybe maybe it does. You’re what Magic near means is that if you have that reaction, that means you’re intolerant of that energy. Because someone else can look out in the world and say, Oh, look at that person. They’re arrogant. And you you see what it is? Oh, look at that. There’s a Robin, there’s a dog. You know, that’s a car driving down the street. It’s not like, Oh, that’s a car died. Oh, that’s a duck. Ah, there’s a Robin. It’s just an acceptance of there. That thing is, if there’s an A to it, that means that you’re intolerant of that thing inside of you. So what you do the magic mere, the exercise that I’ve devised to to help you work, the magic mirror in the world is simply this. Notice the thing that you’re reacting to outside of yourself, notice the person and then just give them a description in like three words, let’s say, arrogant. Who hooligan will say those two? Two words. We’re going to describe this particular person we’ve been talking about and Then you just close your eyes, and you scan your body. And what I mean by that is you just, you just notice inside. And you you look for arrogant hooligan inside yourself arrogant hooligan. And you just keep feeling up and down until you just find a place that kind of goes Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. That’s kind of where that particular energy may live inside of you. Maybe it’s in maybe you notice it more in your head, maybe it’s in your belly, wherever you notice it. And then the only thing you do once you find it is you just let it be. You just allow it to be exactly as it is. You breathe into it, you accept it. And when you can accept it in yourself, you’ll find you can accept it in the other out there as well. They may still be arrogant, but it’s not going to bother you anymore. Or maybe you you have a mean boss that’s criticizing you all the time. If you do, look at Inside for the part inside of you, that’s being mean to you. Do you have an inner boss that’s criticizing you all the time. And as soon as you recognize that, allow it, not identify with it, not encourage it, just allow it give it space, it’ll start to transform. And then you’ll notice things in the outer world will change. Maybe the mean boss will disappear, or you just won’t be bothered by the boss anymore. Or you’ll get a new job or it will he’ll get a new job. Or you know, you see the arrogant person and you just go so and so’s being really arrogant. Isn’t that funny?
Julie Coraccio 58:35
That happened with me and the boss left. I got a new job. I totally believe in what you’re talking about. And I just changed my attitude. And he was someone that was highly critical of me and we had a very contentious relationship. And I was like, he would, you know, I was for I was a writer and so he would read pen everything. And you said we steaming mad. And then I’m like, Oh, hey, fantastic. Great. Thanks for the feedback and Completely switch tie what and I kid you not like a week later he announced he was leaving got a new job. So that’s very good man. Yeah, no that well, I wish other things would happen a little more quickly that was was a rarity. But we’ve got a question for you related to this from warrior spirit and I think there’s time if you use the example of arrogance Do you think you could have had it in a past life? Or does it apply only to this lifetime?
Shaeri Richards 59:26
You might have been arrogant in a past life. No, I think that’s that’s totally possible. And you might have been so arrogant and disgusted with yourself from the past life that this this life you decided you would never ever, ever, ever be arrogant. And so you’re so disgusted from the previous life that then you judge it in yourself, and you judge it in other people. And so,
Julie Coraccio 59:45
Okay, fantastic. And Tickle Me Crazy wants to know, what’s the name of your mother school? Is it still around? Was it based on the Berkeley psychic Institute?
Shaeri Richards 59:54
Not based on the Berkeley psychic Institute. Although I think one of the teachers there did study at the Berkeley psychic Institute. It is around, but it’s not open. It’s not open to the public.
Julie Coraccio 1:00:04
Okay. All right, well, that’ll answer. I’m not in it anymore either. It continues. I haven’t been in it for about seven, eight years. Okay. Sherry, I have a couple questions I like to ask our guests. First of all, there’s someone listening, maybe they just found you know, their, their best friend is now dating their ex boyfriend or something. And they’re kind of in that moment or something tragic. You know, they’re not developed, they can’t even see straight. So what advice would you give to someone who’s struggling right now.
Shaeri Richards 1:00:32
My, my best advice would be to just put your hands on your heart, and breathe into your heart. And just allow whatever you’re feeling to be there. This whole unconditional love piece that I was talking about earlier, when you start breathing into your heart and just allowing whatever is, allow the feelings of anger, allow the sadness, allow all of those things but allow it from a place of the heart that expands your consciousness and then starts to give space and through space, you start to be able to tap into the higher parts of yourself that will guide you and help you maybe lead you to someone who can help you more, maybe, maybe give you a message that you can hear or that you can feel or that you can, that you can see, start to allow, contact the part of you that’s hurting and, and just connect with that little part and let them know that you love them, that you’re there for them. I have a meditation on my website that’s free if you go to my website, dancing with your dragon calm, and just enter your email address and your name and then you’ll immediately be able to download this meditation. It’s called the opening your heart meditation, and it will guide you through this process of expansion. The other pieces is if you can if you can allow yourself to not judge yourself to find a way to when you become aware of these thoughts that are Yan telling you how bad and you’re not good enough. Usually if the if there’s a breakup with somebody and you’re suffering, it’s because somehow they’re leaving you means that you’re not okay. And you can come to believe that because in Listen, a breakup is painful. Give yourself permission to be in pain for a little while. I would say that if you if you just went, Oh, yeah, I broke up with them and, and I don’t feel anything. I’m detached and enlightened and I can just move on, I would say chances are, you’re in denial. I would think that from a human perspective, when you break up with someone or someone dies or you lose someone, you’re going to be in pain for a little while. Give yourself permission to grieve. But don’t get caught in it. Don’t just grieve and reinvent the scenes in your mind over and over, grieve deeply, authentically, loudly, and then try to let it go.
Julie Coraccio 1:02:45
Excellent. And you kind of touched on a couple things, but the whole purpose and reason I do this show is to change people’s lives. I want them to not be the walking wounded anymore. So you’ve given us a lot of great information and like, what one thing and you might be like the hardest What can people do to get off the couch? Right after the show tonight before bed in the morning? What can they do to reawaken their brilliance?
Shaeri Richards 1:03:09
Yeah, you can, you could go and download that heart meditation that would help. But I would say the best thing you can do for yourself is stop, breathe and wake up over and over and over again. Stop. Take a deep breath inside. Where am I? What am I thinking? Where am I focusing my energy? What purpose Am I serving in this moment, breathe deeply inside, put your hands on your heart. Allow yourself to, to feel your brilliance. And to just notice when you’re judging yourself if you can find a way to stop that I have a wonderful meditation in my book called connecting with the divine hum, which allows you to start to listen through the auditory channel instead of listening to that judge who’s telling you how rotten you are. You listen to the the home of the Divine, which you can hear in the middle of your head if you stop and And just notice there’s a it’s like the sound of silence. And the sound of silence has this frequency that connects you to the higher and when I was breaking this judge, that was so awful in me, that’s my favorite technique that I used. I would stop when his voice would go, you’re terrible, you’re not smart, you’re never going to be successful, you’re whatever, whatever, blah, blah, blah, I would just tune him out and tune into this home and then relaxation piece, and I would do it over and over and over and I still do it.
Julie Coraccio 1:04:30
Excellent. And Sherry, can you tell us if people want to purchase your book how they can do that and again, I mentioned your website and about the meditation so they can find out more information about you. Sure.
Shaeri Richards 1:04:42
The meditation or the website rather, is dancing with your dragon calm exactly the way it sounds. Dancing with your dragon calm.
Julie Coraccio 1:04:52
take actions. Figure out your dragon where you better work. Do you hate? Where do you reject yourself? create a plan to heal your dragon. Observe how you love yourself unconditionally. Research exercises on loving unconditionally and choose exercises that speak to you. Look in the mirror into your eyes every day and say, I love you. Commit to loving yourself each day in some way.
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Transcribed by https://otter.ai