Learn how to stop being jealous and clear emotional clutter for peace of mind and to honor your gifts with the world.
Do you get jealous often? Would you like to know how to shift your jealousy? Are you on the other end with people constantly being jealous of you? What are the habits of people who don’t get jealous?
Why do people get jealous?
Jealousy is a natural emotion that everyone experiences at one point or another. You are not alone you aren’t the only one experiencing it. I don’t get jealous a lot and I talked about how I was just jealous a few moments ago.
Jealousy becomes clutter because it masks what we are really feeling. We could really be feeling, possessiveness, insecurity, or shame. I read in a few places that jealousy is really driven by self-critical thoughts. That was an AHA moment for me. I believe can boil it down to feeling not good enough, not worthy enough, or loved.
We may also be jealous because of:
- Competitiveness: If you really want to make the basketball team, and you don’t and someone else does, you might be jealous.
- Self-Doubt: If someone was 100% sure that she could do whatever you could, she won’t be jealous, however, if she has doubts she may become jealous.
- Needs: Someone who needs money the most then may feel jealous if you are financially successful.
- Low self-esteem. A woman might be self-confident in her career but low self-esteem comes out in romantic relationships. This was me for sure!
Behind the Jealousy
Have you ever looked at the thoughts behind your jealousy? Take my friend whose wife had an affair. Thoughts like, “What does she see in him?” can go into a downward spiral “He is so much more manly/handsome/successful than me!” Even when we learn of a spouse’s affair, many times we direct the anger at ourselves for being “not good enough, unlovable, stupid or unwanted.”
Behind the jealousy is our critical inner voice.
You know they say that by 7 personalities are formed. We formulate this internal coach based on our childhood experiences. I know a lot of my personal development has been removing these false stories I have created.
We internalize the negative experience! For example, if we felt ignored as a child, we will probably feel insecure in romantic relationships.
Most of our self-critical thoughts are on autopilot. We aren’t even aware we think of them. And these negative thoughts bring about shame. The amount of shame we feel directly influences the amount of jealousy and insecurity we have in the present.
When you start to feel jealous, can you become present? Check-in how much is really about the incident or how much is it about the tapes running in our heads. Can you dig deeper and see what the tapes are and be willing to release this clutter?
I once had a therapist tell me that I would keep breaking open the wound and would never allow it to heal. That was a great metaphor for me and I really got it. Kind of what is happening underneath jealousy. Nothing to do with what’s really going on, it is old wounds that haven’t healed.
Face these situations. What you resist, persists. The more you can face the jealousy demons and put the fire out, the more you can release them. False beliefs. Understand what triggers you.
People who don’t get jealous
Have a high sense of self-worth.
The hallmark trait of being secure with yourself is loving who you are, comfortable, and love yourself, you don’t feel envious of another person’s circumstances or relationships.
Have Gratitude: Have gratitude, be less focused on what others have, and less likely to be unhappy because of jealousy.
Unplug: Unplugging reduces stress. We aren’t meant to be going 24/7 and always answering a phone or reading status updates on Facebook.
You will also feel better for yourself if it is social media you are unplugging from: Researchers found that heavy Facebook use may make certain people experience feelings of envy, which in turn could lead to depression.
“We found that if Facebook users experience envy of the activities and lifestyles of their friends on Facebook, they are much more likely to report feelings of depression,” study co-author Dr. Margaret Duffy, a University of Missouri journalism professor, said in a press release. “Facebook can be a very positive resource for many people, but if it is used as a way to size up one’s own accomplishments against others, it can have a negative effect.
Taking time away from the screen may just be one of the best things you can do for your own confidence.
Celebrate others’ successes: Another person’s success doesn’t mean you’re failing. You aren’t the same as anyone else. Desire your life, not someone else’s.
Don’t seek approval from others. I used to seek approval from others all the time.
If you feel smug when others are jealous, you are insecure and your high won’t last long. You are looking for something outside of yourself when you need to look within.
Don’t worry about labels. This goes for your own categorizations and the labels of others.
You’re more than your title or the awards on your shelf. You are not your awards, your job etc. That’s coming from the ego.
Don’t compare. There is “always going to be something better than what you have. It’s all about perception. Nothing will be good enough if you’re constantly thinking someone else has better.
How to handle jealous people
Don’t take it personally.
Ignore
Address it if it’s a work situation.
Reduce interactions.
Be the better person, compliment if you’re able. They might do some self-reflection.
Share a struggle you went through.
Encourage self-improvement
Be aware of what you post on social media
Boundaries
Who are you jealous of? How can you release your jealousy? What can you celebrate about yourself?
Take Actions from Today’s decluttering blog on how to stop being jealous:
- Pick one area or situation in your life where you are jealous. Is it really about the current situation or is it an old wound rearing its ugly head?
- Can you dig deep and see where the jealousy might have come from? Can you release that clutter? Can you see where or how a false belief might have formed?
- What habit of people who don’t get jealous would you like to try? Pick one and start doing it!
- If someone is jealous of you, create a plan to deal with their jealousy moving forward.
DIY Options to Clear Clutter
Purchase Julie’s books, classes, and decluttering affirmations on how to clear the clutter from your life: https://reawakenyourbrilliance.com/shop/
Subscribe to Clear Your Clutter Inside & Out Podcast https://reawakenyourbrilliance.com/resources-concierge-services/podcasts/self-help-podcast/
Check out more of my decluttering tips and how to get organized on my YouTube channel. https://www.youtube.com/user/SeibertRadio?feature=watch