Ready to Learn How to Stop Being a Victim and Find Peace?
Inspired because I’ve been wanting to do an episode on being a victim for a while. I have done a lot of work on this and still find myself acting victimized. Playing the victim is much more subtle now so I have to pay attention. When you learn how to stop being a victim you can find not only peace but how to move forward in your life.
Take actions from today’s podcast:
- Contemplate the benefits you get for being a victim
- Share your story
- Feel your feelings
- Get neutral
- Stop blaming others
- Change your perspective
- Create affirmations
- Practice forgiveness
- Find the golden nugget
- Examine your inner circle
- Consider that you’re never a victim
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Certified life coach, author & award-winning professional life organizer Julie Coraccio shares steps and tips to support you in creating the life you choose, deserve and desire through decluttering your life, mindfulness and how to organize your life.
About Clear Your Clutter Inside & Out
Clutter is stuck stagnant energy and prevents you from creating the life you choose, desire and deserve. We discuss clutter in all its forms: energetic, spiritual, emotional, mental & physical, relationships, health, finances and more. We share tips and take action steps for clutter free living and how to organize your life and death with end of life planning. We’re thinking outside the box on areas where people might not realize where clutter is blocking them. When we remove clutter from our lives we can discover our passions, lead the extraordinary lives we are all meant to live and share our gifts with the world.
DIY Options to Clear Clutter
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Julie Coraccio 0:02
Today on Clear Your Clutter inside now, we’re talking about radical forgiveness. How completely and wholly? Are you able to forgive? Are you aware of how much of your life you’re really taking responsibility for? Where in your life? Do you still feel like a victim? Learn about radical forgiveness as we begin our month focusing on social and relationship clutter? Do you control your clutter? Or does your clutter control you? Unclear your clutter inside now, we’ll teach you awareness as well as action steps to create change in your life. Come on, let’s get started. Hey, everyone, first episodes being recorded in West Virginia. Happy to say, as I record this, we’re in West Virginia, another three and a half weeks. We close in North Carolina, a couple days later, close in West Virginia, but they’re going to stay a little bit. And so we will be moved in by the time you listen to this and settle. And I think it’ll be a very mellow anniversary. For us this year has a lot of craziness. This month, is inspired because I wanted to talk about our social relationships and wanted to do different topics, and how our social relationships affect us and create clutter in our lives. So all this month, that’s what I’m gonna be focusing on. Today’s episode was inspired because I have been wanting for a while now. And I’ve been saying that I would do another episode on being a victim. I’ve done a lot of work around this. I still have moments. When I feel like a victim. It’s much more subtle now. So I really have to pay attention to it. I have read the title, this episode is from a man named Collin tipping, who has written two books and maybe more but these are the two that I have and familiar with. They’re currently packed up will be in the bookshelf as soon as we’re unpacked. So the name of his books are radical forgiveness and radical self forgiveness. I really like a lot of what he says, I think there’s some good stuff in there. And has definitely influenced my thinking. When you are able to forgive which I think ultimately you need to do to not feel like a victim, then you have peace in your heart. Why peace in my heart. When I don’t forgive someone, I know I tend to get obsessive, I got some work to do on that. Because in the mix of playing the victim to be able to release that forgiveness needs to happen. In first time I read his books, I started reading I couldn’t I just had to put them down. I couldn’t hear His message in any way shape, or form. The fact that what Wait, I have a role in this. I couldn’t at the time because I was still really invested in playing the victim coming from that victim mentality. So this episode might annoy some people it might bother you. And that’s okay. If you’re able to listen to all of it, fantastic. It’s a podcast, it’ll be here for you. It’ll be on YouTube. And I hope that you’ll come back to it if you if you’re not in the space to hear it right now. I think it’s really important stuff. You know, I talk about things like I think gratitude is one of the most important takeaways from what I do. I would also say, releasing victim mentality. And having forgiveness would rank definitely in my top five of things, to want to find peace, but to also continue on that spiritual path to move forward to raise your vibration. I think that all of these things are very important. Like I’m going to be talking a little bit and go into a little bit more details and bring in some of my teaching beliefs. In a nutshell, with radical forgiveness, you don’t get to play the victim.
So think about that for a moment. How many times a day do you play the victim? I’ve shared the story before I wasn’t aware that I had this victim mentality to my brother called me out on it. He I was early 30s You always see yourself as a victim and in that moment I could hear and that made me go Huh? Huh? And I thought about it and played around with it. And then a couple months later I started my clear sight clairvoyant program. And so that was able to unearth and remove some other stuff and really to me, for this lifetime, get to the core of why I felt like a victim. And get me into a headspace where I could deal with this. So if this is a new concept to you, there’s no shame in that, again, be open here, what you’re going to hear, take that. And remember the always layers of stuff I tucked now about, it’s more subtle than me for being my face. It’s like, oh, you know, it’s kind of lingering there, I’m gonna have to pay a little more attention. And I forgive me as I have a summer cold today as I’m recording this. But as I always say, it’s about increasing your awareness and taking action. The book is great if you’re interested in that. And radical forgiveness has a lot of free resources that you can check out. And what I love about his suggestions, and there may be other people that do this, I’m just not aware is that it gels with so much of what I’ve been taught. And again, he’s created a formula that works for a lot of people. And today, what I’ll talk about assembled a little bit differently. I want to talk about ways you can release being a victim. Radical is again, a great resource, but it’s hard to read and absorb all that if you’re really at the beginning of this journey. So I wanted you to have some options, things to think about. First, contemplate the benefits that you receive of being a victim. Do you get a lot of attention? Is this a way for you to manipulate and get your way? Does it let you take the hook off and not take responsibility? Does playing the victim allow you to kvetch and complain a lot? Do you thrive on drama? Does it allow you to bury your anger because you’re wallowing in self pity? You know, we as human beings don’t do something unless we get a benefit from it. I would say for me when I was younger, before I was really aware of it is that I use it as manipulation to get my way because I did not know how to in a healthy manner. How can I get my needs met, because in my junked up thinking. I couldn’t directly after what I wanted. So this was one of the ways that I would try to get my needs met. And again, I come from this from a place of compassion, I did the best I could. I didn’t know about all this stuff. You know, I grew up in the 70s and 80s. And kind of before the self improvement revolution happened, I mean, I remember being in my early 20s And this revelation and went to therapy and and the self improvement books, I’ll never forget this back in the early 90s Buy like $100 worth of books, which is probably what like three or 400 today. It feels like oh my gosh, there’s all this stuff. I just want to learn I want to improve. So be gentle with yourself. But take the time to contemplate where in life. Do I see myself as a victim? And why? Why? What am I gaining from this? What are my benefits. And with anything I’d like to let things marinate to maybe turn off the podcast here. Think about it. Come back I’ll good. But I want to get you starting to become aware of that. The first thing I’m going to suggest to help release the feeling of being a victim is to share your story. I was once told by someone to share your pain and you’re upset with at least one person. So I like to call it barfing it out getting off your chest, tell it how you want to this isn’t the time to
self Edit. This is a time to express all your feelings. If you need to tell a tree or a stuffed animal, I’ve done that in the past. I believe that sharing our stories can be very powerful. And it is part of the process for release. Now, on one hand, I believe you don’t need to share the story any longer. You can kind of get to what’s underneath and not have to retell the story. But depending on where you’re on your journey, it’s important to acknowledge that you know many of us and I would include myself in this statement. Never we’re allowed in quotation marks to express our pain so some of us gonna need to tell the story that’s why I’m writing these books. Because I want to share my pain I want it to be I’m not looking for acknowledgement from other people but it’s bear witness is probably the better term with a caveat here of telling your story. I believe a lot of times why should say that when we don’t tell our story, we get stuck because we haven’t acknowledged it. Maybe like I said a moment ago, you need someone to bear witness, maybe you swept it under the rug, where we get hung up on this. And staying in the invective victim mentality is when we get into the rut of telling a story over and over and over again. So it’s like that getting stuck on the record, that needle getting stuck on the record. And that grew and you can’t move forward. I remember reading a story about Jennifer Aniston years ago, and she was talking about after her divorce and working with a therapist. And I think she said something like, she allowed me a day, maybe two, I think it was one day to have a pity party party, and then what let her stay there wouldn’t allow her to remain the victim of the divorce. And I’m sure that that supported her and moving forward. As I was writing this and drafting this out, I realized that I have been stuck in a little bit of groove with the neighborhood and the HOA. See, what I talked about subtle I didn’t until right is oh my gosh, you’re seeing yourself as a victim. And it was injustice for sure, which puts a bee in my bonnet. But I as I’ve been writing upset, I feel oh, there’s that victim mentality. I’m a victim here. And she snaking our way in. You know, one of it’s just a and just telling the same old story, I’d notice I try to be really aware when I share the same old story. But I think because I still being in the neighborhood, it was very difficult for me, it’s just like, I can’t completely get off the story. Now I’m removed from the neighborhood. In three and a half weeks we’ll have closed on the house. That’s kind of like it the last energetic tie because I believe everything energetic. I think that’s what I’m going to finally do to move forward. I think I’m going to write a letter of thanks and posted on next door. That’s my mentality. My friend, Judy, is I talked about in another episode on injustice, that she said, look at it as planting a seed definitely not posted by thought. I’m gonna, I’m looking into posting something of gratitude. But that’s what I’m talking about. I was so caught up in everything, I couldn’t see that threat of being a victim. Tell your story. Feel your feelings. I’ve done an episode, I think maybe two on this. Let it all out. It’s so important. cry, scream, kick, punch, get it out of your body, our body holds everything. And feelings are just energy in motion, they just want to get up and out. And everything is energy. So if it stays stuck with us, if we don’t express it, we don’t share it, it stays in our field. And so it’s important to just release that and no feelings are wrong. Don’t make yourself bad for feeling angry. I know some people who just can’t share their anger. It’s just emotion. It’s not good or bad. So don’t judge it and get it out. Be aware
of your interpretation. We all have our stuff. So that obviously colors our worldview, it doesn’t make anyone wrong. It’s just a reality. So where can you be cluttering? How you’re viewing situation? The other way I would term this is calling it being neutral on our declare site that was that they were talking about? Let’s get neutral. Neutral means I have no opinion. I look at the facts. What are the facts here and going on and like so once for instance, when I was writing, all the acting in bad faith part, I had to get neutral. I had an opinion, trust me. And I’m like, Okay, it’s not about your opinion. What are the facts of the case? How do you get neutral? Because when I just look at the facts, and that allows me to be more clear headed, it wasn’t Oh, they were out to just not do solar us they didn’t want anyone have solar. And so it wasn’t I couldn’t add, I didn’t feel this, but just an example. I couldn’t say oh, it was just stated like, you know, they don’t like me. It was about John saying. And so if you just look at the facts that doesn’t allow your opinions and your judgments to come in that might color what you’re thinking. And again, if you bring up all your baggage and all your past stuff, then you might be leaning already, oh, I’m a victim because of this. When the facts don’t bear that out. So get neutral. And be aware of your perspective, because that might change something that might be that aha moment for you. Where you can step back and say, Oh, wow. I felt this way because of a relationship in the past. And what I’m realizing is this past relationship has nothing to do with this present relationship. Oh wow. What is it about me, be aware of your interpretations and perspective and get neutral. You have all the answers you need within got clutter. 365 Journal prompts books, support you in figuring out how to Clear Your Clutter. get control of your clutter, so your clutter doesn’t control you. Reclaim time, money, sanity and resources. Choose from physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, holidays, or compilation volumes one, two and three. Free mp3 meditation with purchase, Learn more at reawaken your brilliance, calm or purchase on Amazon. On your life. The thing with radical forgiveness is it doesn’t allow you to be the victim at all. As I’ve stated, I’m not there yet. But when I’m not playing the victim, I own my life 100% We’re all gonna go through stuff. You get into the habit of taking action and not being passive, that’s gonna move you forward. When you own your life. You can’t blame others. I bet we all know someone that’s never been his or her fault. How do you feel when you’re around that person? I bet you don’t want to hang around them all day. We’ve been very fortunate that we’ve had such a tremendous tribe that have helped and supported my mother. And with all the kindness, there’s one person and it sticks out because he’s such a jerk, and my hometown is so small, and I can create multiple paths, I believe this person knows my mother sick. Now, we haven’t been sharing this on social media. Very few people I know in the real life, world, listen to my podcast that I’m aware of. And so this person had precipitated me stepping off Facebook, so I thought you bringing in your hate and your anger and what really bothered me. And I’m like, there’s just no way that you don’t know that what’s going on, about my mother being ill. And, and at that point, we we still thought everything was gonna pull through and 100% recovery. But not only that, the people who got upset at me because I called this guy out on his
anger, and, and attitude, and they thought I was being mean, and I didn’t name him like I could have named him and tagged him and done all that stuff. And what’s worse is one of the people I’m like you’re doing all this caregiving. You and I don’t believe that you don’t know either, y’all y’all know. And so you get mad at me for calling someone on our hate and anger and saying, you know, I’m taking a break. Hurt people hurt people. But that is no excuse. And so this is someone realize, again, as I’m drafting this out, he doesn’t own his life. It’s everyone else’s fault. It’s everyone else’s fault. And it’s like, Dude, it gets tiring. After a decade of you bitching and complaining on social media. It’s just come on now. So own your life. When you own your life and take action. You don’t be stuck in believing you’re a victim. retell the story. You know, a moment ago, I talked about having different perspectives getting neutral. If you have biases, then you’re going to make up things and insert opinions and not be neutral. So how can you retell the story and reframe it? Well, let’s see. Let me take a step back. Wow, we really did well, selling our house, we had a total increase in value over two years. That’s really awesome. It is allowed me to clear up karma, then I have to understand that it has nothing to do with me. Like how sad is it that people have to join a board to feel empowered, and anyone who’s healthy, realizes it’s nuts and resigns. And it’s just sad. How else can I retell the story? Well, in my personal belief system, I believe in reincarnation, I believe when I came to Earth, I said, Hey, these are the lessons I want to learn. These is a family I choose. So if I chose this, how can I be a victim? I can’t I’m not a victim if I made that choice, so that’s something that I remind myself of and use my belief system. So how can you retell the story that perhaps will give you that different perspective and allow you to move forward? Examine your thinking pattern It’s hard when you have been thinking a certain way your entire life. Again, with all that up, bring it back to childhood. And if you had crappy friends or family, this is most likely set in stone. Maybe for you, it’s think you deserve it. When something happens, remember, like attracts like, or someone did something on purpose to you, right? Or you rock it all the way to the future, with all the things that are going to happen because of that. So how is it you think how much during the past? How much do you keep replaying things in the head? How obsessive are you about things? What are your thinking patterns, patterns? Look at ways you fall into believing your victim. For an example, if you’re jealous of another success, instead of being inspired by it, you simply give up instead of keep moving forward. So what is it? Is there a certain event? Is it around relationships? Is it around work success? Is it around hobbies, whatever it is, where you easily falling into that trap? Where do you see yourself? Remember, it’s awareness plus action equals change. Practice affirmations with I can and I will. One of the things my brother did really well is he doesn’t let my nephew nice SEC camp. And he has been that way since they were kids. I think that’s incredibly powerful. That he is instilled in them. Don’t say can say Can I can I will I am. And I was reading someone it was a what do you call one of those ads on Facebook, and they were bagging on affirmation. They said, Oh, that can’t change. How you feel underlining issues. And my father since I was a kid always taught me to say when someone asked how you’re doing, say I’m excellent. Because even if you’re crappy, you’ll eventually feel better say that. I have to tell you, as someone who’s done that for 30 plus years, it’s so true. And I can’t tell you how many times I’ve shared them. People asked me how and they’re like, Wow. You know, I rarely hear someone say that when I asked that question people just complain. So again, that’s helping repattern get started with those affirmation.
Now forgive. That’s the whole point of the radical forgiveness books, allows you to gain peace of mind and do where you are, maybe you can forgive a little bit. But if you keep working on that, you understand that you’ll be able to forgive more and more each day until it’s simply not a thought anymore. Simply, you know, you’ve released it, I found this new great quote I really like and it was an aha moment for me. And that’s what I love hearing people say things and then it sparks that for me because I was like, Oh my gosh, because I’m just ready to be done with everything in North Carolina, and three and a half weeks are moving in a glacial pace. But then when I read this, I was like, wow. So this is a quote from Catherine Ponder. When you hold resentment towards another, you are bound to that person or conditioned by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. I talk all the time, everything’s energy. And I was like, This is so true. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free. I do not want to be tied to these people. I don’t. Because when I’m stuck in that frame stuck and feeling like a victim that ties me I don’t want it that drags my energy down. That brings me down. That is reminding me I have room for improvement. I don’t want to be on the same levels those people. So I think this is a good reminder, an emotional link stronger than steel. So where when you forgive, you’re able to help dissolve that. And again, like deal. I don’t know if it’s coated or whatever. But when you put enough pressure when you put on a water might not dissolve it. But when you think of it as pressure, every time you’re able to forgive a little and eventually that steel will break. And I was working with someone the other day and talking about everything is energy, we’re talking about childhood beliefs that were kind of pounded into him. And we talked about that energetic component. There’s an energetic component to everything. And so this quote was an aha moment for me. When I don’t forgive, it’s like this albatross around my neck and I can’t get the person out of my head and it drives me superduper crazy. And to think that I have this emotional connection, this energetic Connect, you know, a lot of times you can intellectualize things oh I forgiven someone well happy really is Still there that link. So just some food for thought I want to share that great quote, also supporting you in releasing being a victim finding the golden nugget. I did a few years ago, an episode on this, where in the bad situation, when you felt like a victim? Can you find something good? And I believe if you’re willing to look, you’ll always find something. With all this crap in the neighborhood, boy did it make leaving North Carolina easier. I don’t do very well with Goodbye. Oh, not a problem after this. It may just it was all good. We did really well, we hit a hot real estate market. Although we’ve got a hot real estate market here in Wheeling, who would have thought that? did really well with that. It’s so hot, you know, we just got our inspection report back. Although with our house, we brought in Wheeling, we didn’t use a realtor, I don’t think I’ll ever use a realtor again. And it’s gone incredibly well. And so it started when all this went down. I know what we’re gonna move back to West Virginia, because shortly after they’re toning up the okay from his boss to do it. So allowed us to plan I come up, you know, I was up here eight 910 months in a row. And so bring a load and have to tell you, we we had two containers, and we had one at first and then ordered a second one. And boy, we have been in trouble if we hadn’t gotten that second container. But we talked about it a day or two after ordered. I’m like, I think we need a second container because they were filled. And we had bought some stuff here. And again, we don’t own a lot. But furniture is bulky. So where can you find the golden nugget and whatever happened. Again, if you’re willing to look up, thank you fine. And that helps you cut down on the negative thinking or patterns of thinking that helps reset everything to support you in switching and changing that everything begins with a thought. That’s where it all starts. And whatever you put out there comes back in some way, shape or form. So you start to do this, find the golden nugget have gratitude in some way shape or form that is going to support you in taking action and moving forward and feeling like less of a victim. Review your circle.
Like attracts like? Do you have people in your life that complain and blame and feel like a victim? Do you sit around and tell war stories? When you’re sharing these stories do try to one up each other? And what I realized I realized, Oh, I know someone like that. And Tony had mentioned this to me about a year ago and he said oh do you notice it so and so always one one up? I like nap. But now that you mentioned it, so then I paid attention after I was like, wow, he’s right. And it’s fascinating to me to observe and watch that. So who is in your innermost circle? What are you all talking about? What are you attracting? It’s like the people that harass me a small group of people. And I was thinking how much time and energy. I mean, I’m not the one going around on Christmas. harassing someone that’s really sad, especially if you claim to have don’t claim you have signs in your yard saying I love Jesus and you spout. What a great Christian, you are over social media and you’re spending Christmas dough on that knee. I mean, that’s just Yeah. And then you have people that support you in that and join you in that. How are you ever gonna move forward in life, I wouldn’t want that as my goal. So just pay attention to the people that you have close to you. And when you may decide to make these changes. People will fall away, they’ll either rise up with you or they’re fall away. And again, nothing good and bad in that we all are, where we are in the spiral and where we are in that journey. Be aware. And then start the process of seeing yourself as not a victim. Consider that you create your reality. Or my experiences I’ve mentioned, I believe that I chose everything. I chose everything in this life. So how can I complain? I chose it. Let me be clear again. It doesn’t mean I like it or is it has stopped me from feeling like a victim but I continually work on it. That’s why I created this podcast. It supports me and supports you. But I’m consistently and constantly working on myself. You’re listening and you’re trying to be a better person and improve yourself. So how can you take that step to not see yourself as a victim? What can you do to step back and say oh, let me get neutral first second. Hmm, let me look at the patterns of my life. Like, how is my thinking? Is it repetitive? What am I? What are my thoughts? How am I doing? How am I contributing to this? How am I not moving forward and taking action? How would it feel to not feel like a victim? How would it empower me? How good would that feel? Pay attention? Where is it? Like I mentioned at the beginning? What benefit do you get from playing the victim? And what are the patterns and where does it show up in your life because we tend to have them not again, people that can see them in victim in every way, shape, or form, but with other people, we tend to see a pattern. So become aware of that. Take actions from today’s podcast. contemplate the benefits you get for playing the victim. Share your story of what upsets you feel all your feelings. Get neutral. Stop blaming others. Change your perspective. Create affirmations and repattern thinking. practice forgiveness as you’re able. Look for the golden nugget. Examine your inner circle consider that you’re never truly a victim. On our next episode, we’re talking about AI ta data. Go out Clear Your Clutter to create the life you choose deserve and desire. When you clear your clutter, you can share your gifts with the world. Sign up for our free newsletter at reawaken your brilliance calm. Even enjoy Clear Your Clutter inside now. Please rate review and share us
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