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Transcript

Julie Coraccio 0:04
Today on Clear Your Clutter inside now, we’re talking about imposter syndrome. Are you doubting your abilities? Even though you’ve been trained and know you can do the job? Do you feel like a fraud or phony? at work or at home? There’s that little voice in the back of your head whispering why you can’t do it. Learn about kicking imposter syndrome to the curb as we begin our month focusing on hodgepodge. Do you control your clutter? Or does your clutter control you? Unclear your clutter inside now, we’ll teach you awareness as well as action steps to create change in your life. Come on, let’s get started. Hey, everyone, happy November. These are the first shows being recorded in West Virginia. We are unpacked in our new home and getting organized. My mom passed on August 9, and I was grateful that I was able to be with her. Tony and my brother and my father and her favorite caregiver were there. So really grateful for that my goal had been to keep her at home. And we were with them for nine weeks. And what my dad shared with me is said if you all hadn’t been here, I couldn’t have done it, we would have had taken her. There’s a wonderful hospice place called Elijah’s place. But it really really wanted my mom to be at home. So I’m eternally grateful for that. She’s no longer suffering. And I was able to be with her to help her to the next adventure. Having a celebration of life for her. And then Tony and I are taking a long week in the West Virginia mountains and very grateful for that. I had said I wrote a little post about her on Facebook. And I shared that after my mom died, I kept seeing butterflies, my mom loved butterflies. And I took some of our butterfly decorations put in my bathroom. And I just share that because I laughed the other day, we walked huge butterfly right in front of us. And I keep seeing them. And I laughed because I saw a group of butterflies. And my mom was super social. I did not get that from her. But I thought she’s already busy on the other side being social. So I just shared that because if you have lost someone, just remember, they’re in another form there and look and be open in the messages that they might be trying to send. Another big announcement, I’m redoing Patreon. When I first did I thought oh, the extra podcast as I’ve been figuring it out. Yeah, I want to get paid, let’s I’m not gonna lie and say I don’t. But what I realized was, what I really hope for people to do is take action and move forward in their lives, I get these incredible emails, and they always make me excited people say you’ve helped change my life, I’ve listened. And sometimes we need a little more support than that. And so it’s really about keeping it affordable. There’ll be the $5 option. I’m tweaking now. But it’s going to be ready to roll down a December, you’ll see by the end of December, you’ll see all of the updates what the new and improved Patreon channels gonna do. So if you’ve been listening to podcasts for a while, or if you’re new, and you are ready to take action and change your life, that’s what the focus is going to be. It’s going to be not about the podcast be a think giving you a weekly assignment to begin with. And so I just share that. It’s declutter your life. I’ll include a link in the podcast start doing that. But I hope to see you there. Again, if you’re ready for change, if you’ve been listening for a while, and so you know, now’s the time. 2022 going to be my year, I’ve got to do something about this.

Today’s episode was inspired, because I’ve had imposter syndrome. And then I was having a conversation, my husband and I thought, Oh, he’s so smart. And he got this promotion two years ago. And like, oh, I don’t know if I have the ability. And he’s so amazing. That I was like, wow, if you’re feeling that, then and I know I felt it. I know we’re not alone. And when we were selling when we first got married, Tony was in a townhouse house and he had really done a lot of it. It was beautiful. And we got an offer for someone and they did a lot of sleuthing and tried to say because Tony had done it. It wasn’t good enough. I mean, talk about something that just, you know, right to the heart and said, you know, you’re not skilled. And of course, we didn’t sell it to that person. And they kept coming back with offers because it was so gorgeous. And she’s like, well, I’m obligated to tell you about an offer. And I said well they We’re never gonna sell it to him. So just tell him to buzz off. And then later when we were selling the house that Tony moved in with me, the guy’s like, wow, I would hire you to do floors, you just have time. And so we hired someone to do some new floors. But as a wedding present, Tony had created this beautiful tile floor, and the door to your dining room with these patterns in any way. The guy’s like, Wow, you’re really good at that. But he sometimes feels that imposter syndrome because he wasn’t formally trained. You know, the coaching program I did isn’t the big international coaching Federation or whatever, what not wanting to be programmed, but it was what I needed. And I’m betcha I’ve done more work on myself than any of the other top coaching programs. But that allows me to be the best person that I can be to support people. So even though it’s not traditional. Some people might say, well, or make you feel like I’ve heard that, well, you didn’t train with whatever. Well, that’s great and find someone who did if that’s important to you, you’ve got to do what’s best for you. But you can easily say, Well, I didn’t do this program. So I’m an imposter. And I know that’s not true because I see the results. So that is what inspired today’s episode. So first, what is imposter syndrome? I went to Wikipedia. Imposter syndrome is a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their skills, talents or accomplishments and has a persistent, internalized fear of being exposed as a fraud by external evidence of their competence. Those experiencing this phenomenon, remain convinced that they’re frauds and do not deserve all they’ve achieved. So then I found an article on Psychology Today, I should say it’s from their page, believe they have a page on imposter syndrome. And it’s estimated that 70% of people will experience at least one episode of this phenomenon in their lives. So you’re not alone. That’s another reason I want to do the episode. And they felt that 25 to 30% of high achievers may suffer from imposter syndrome. So I just share that if you have an episode, don’t freak out. It’s it’s pretty common. And so then I took some of this information from an article What is imposter syndrome by Arland cute chick that was updated on February 26 2021. And it was medically reviewed, I was excited about this by Amy Morin, who’s a licensed clinical social worker. And I had her on the show she wrote a book eight things that Mentally strong people do. And so if you have a chance, listen that episode. So that was where I was great that someone with the this background 100 muted. So what are the characteristics? self doubt of course, right? If you believe you’re imposter, you’re doubting yourself. You also are challenged to realistically access your competence and skills. You know, I laugh we all know people who will inflate their skills, but people with imposter syndrome or don’t can’t gauge their skills the other way. They’re really competent, but don’t realize that saying my success came from external factors Oh, I got lucky. Oh are the five people that are better than me didn’t compete or whatever it is right. So has nothing to do with your skills of hard work. berating your performance, right, finding why it wasn’t good enough. And getting into that perfectionism trap.

You also may have fears that you won’t live up to expectations yours or other people’s. And I did an episode Great Expectations. Check that out. For to go a little bit of a deeper dive. overachieving can be a characteristic, right because you feel like an imposter shows you how to do better always strive always have those far flung goals. You also might sabotage your own success. Have you ever done that you sleep late and miss the client, or you fail to make it to the test or you don’t send the test results in. You might also set goals that are just about unrealistic. And then give yourself a hard time when you fall short. If you have these going on for a long time, they can increase anxiety. And that could also lead to depression. And people who feel like imposter syndrome tend to not talk about it. That’s one of the reasons I want to do the show is you know, let’s take some of the sting out of it. Let’s take some of the shame out of it. And no Gosh 70% of us have experienced at least one episode of this. That’s a huge chunk. That’s more than two thirds. And interestingly enough, some of the triggers you might want to say well what could make this happen if someone calls attention to your success? Oh no, no, you know, and you just It might not be being humble, it might be more about imposter syndrome, you don’t want anyone to acknowledge your successes. And it’s kind of ironic that here you are being complimented on your awesomeness, but that could increase your imposter syndrome. Or if you have some losses, right, you have a couple of losses. And you think, oh, it’s all because of me. You know, there are just so many things that are out of our control sometimes, that it has nothing to do with your ability, I shared the story. I wrote a couple federal grants. Gosh, it’s been maybe close to 15 years ago. And none of the grants that I got were funded. Well, I found out that they were USDA grants. And that year, the chair person was from Maine. And guess what man got a ton of them. You know, I have no control over politics, it doesn’t mean that I’m not a skilled grant writer, you might say, because of that, it has something to do with me. Here are some questions that you could ask yourself. Are you very sensitive, super sensitive to criticism, even constructive criticism? You know, constructive criticism is a good thing. But if you’re super sensitive to that, because then you’re not going to be able to realistically, take the goodness from that, and it starts you down that imposter syndrome road? Do you tend to downplay your expertise and your successes? Again, not being humble? It’s because of this feeling like wow, I’m really not that good. Are you caught in the perfectionist trap? Are you always pointing out your flaws and mistakes? Do you say I just got lucky. Or it’s again, external factors. Do you have this fear that you’re gonna be found out as a phony? Now imposter syndrome, there are types, and they can show up in a couple different ways. So as I share these, see if any of these relate to perfectionist, I did a episode on perfectionism. So check that out. Now, you’re never satisfied with your work, oh, I can do better.

It’s not a fun place to be. I used to be a perfectionist, it was never good enough. I would fixate on my flaws and mistakes, or how can been better. You know, the books are a great example. Like I had proof read, I had grammatical I had content by three different people and then me, and they’re still. And then I went back to them. And there were still typos. And if you get a book, there’s probably a typo in it now. But I had to choose, I need to get this material out, I need to support people. So I’m going to go ahead and do it. And not stress about a typo. And if someone picks out a typo Good on you. I mean, I read him to tell you the other day I read it said was a New York Times bestsellers, mystery love mysteries. And it had like five or six typos. And this was done by a publishing house. So I have to tell you, I was quite shocked by that. Because you know, you have a whole team. And they’re experts and doing all that. And I’m like, Ah, for New York, best time seller can have all those typos. And I just naturally, that’s something I picked out. I can’t tell you if the grammar is wrong, but if there’s a typo, I’m gonna catch it. It’s just something that how I’m built. Then I was like, if a New York Times bestseller, can have all those typos with a team, then you know what I’m doing a okay. Now, the article reviewed, call this the superhero, but I wouldn’t phrase it that way. I’d call it the 24/7 worker. Because you feel inadequate, you’re going to push yourself as hard as possible. Again, I talked about how before I met my husband, I used to work on my business 24/7. And I’m sure part of that was being fueled by imposter syndrome. You’re how old and starting your business? Well, you know, what’s your formal training in this, you know, all of that stuff. So the 24/7 worker just always going to be going and going and going and pushing themselves as hard as possible. The experts know I’m a fan of lifelong learning. But in this case, people are never satisfied with their level of understanding. And they’re super skilled. They’re highly skilled and they underrate their own expertise, right. There’s always more to learn. There’s always more to learn. And they just don’t honor that they’re already pretty much an expert. Genius. I wouldn’t call it this but that’s what they use. You set excessively lofty goals, and then feel crushed when you don’t succeed at the first try. Right? I mean, it’s always good to shoot for the moon. What does that shoot for the stars and you might reach the moon. I’m a firm believer in that but if it’s gonna fuel you feeling like an imposter then that’s not helpful. And then finally, the individual, which I think happens a lot here in America where I am, I know that I definitely fall into this category. I’m much better than I used to be, but prefer to work alone. And they link self worth to productivity. So they offer rejection, oh, I don’t need any assistance. I don’t need any help. Because for them needing help, or asking for assistance is a sign of weakness or incompetent, right? You know, that’s one of the things I had to let go of like add, I can do my website in 90% of the time 90% of it, but I am not confident I need to hire someone that doesn’t mean that I’m a loser. But that’s just not my area of expertise. And so realizing that a team is what I need, and not keeping it to myself. feel stuck, but have no clue what you need to do to move forward. Would you like to feel energized and excited every day? Are you ready to create the life you desire? Julie Coraccio supports you in finding the answers within and then taking action to make changes happen. Visit reawaken your brilliance calm to learn how Julie can support you with life coaching.

Alright, so how do we overcome, right? We don’t want to have imposter syndrome anymore. One of the first things I’m going to suggest is you talk about it. Because as I mentioned a moment ago, people tend not to write, they’re embarrassed to say, Hey, I feel like an imposter. No one’s gonna hire me for business, or they’re not going to trust me. When we share our stories, one, it helps release shame. Because there’s shame about feeling like this, well, 70% of us are feeling like this. We’re not alone. And you might be surprised when you share your stories, how others open up, and you’ll be like, Wow, I would have never thought Suzie Q would have had imposter syndrome. And when we share and are vulnerable, that allows us to all be supported and move forward. Make a realistic assessment of your abilities. You know, I’m a firm believer of writing a list of all the awesome sauce things about you. And so when you’re feeling down, you remember, Oh, I accomplished this. I did that. But also having a self assessment. So things I’m not good at doing taxes, trying to think of what I pay people do you know, like website design? Fashion interior decorating. I’m an okay cook and Baker. And I don’t farm that out. I’m trying to think of things that I do. We’re asked for support. Not good at accounting, I can barely balance my checkbook. So I know those are areas of weakness for me. And then I also know what are strong things Writing, Speaking decluttering organizing, coaching, and I have a realistic idea of what my strengths and weaknesses are. So take the time to honestly assess it. And again, if you have imposter syndrome, you’re not giving yourself enough credit. So get feedback from someone else, someone that you trust, someone that’s not going to be judgmental, be very delicate, and and smart about who you pick because you don’t want someone that might push you further into believing you’re imposter and a fake and a fraud and a phony when you really are and there are also tests and assessments that can also give you really good feedback to find out what your skills are. Don’t worry about what others say. How much of imposter syndrome is full fueled by this by social media comments by people. I think the best rendition of God Bless America is by Whitney Houston boy did that woman have a voice and so there someone posted it I think it was at the Olympics or track if you I think it was a sporting event and she sang it and wow I got chills just how phenomenal can people on YouTube downvoted it thumbs down? And they wrote comments how it was a good my thought if Whitney Houston probably one of the greatest singers of all time. In my view the best version of because I understand my understanding it’s a technically difficult song to sing can be criticized for people I’m like, Yeah, hold on what have I have to lose? Because then it’s just not realistic. And again, I’m not saying we have different tastes different things that we prefer you just might be like add on prefer her and that’s okay. There’s also difference between not preferring and acknowledging the skills of have someone. So really think about that for a moment how much is being fueled by yourself, and what part is the outside world playing. Take small actions, you know, you defeat this imposter syndrome by not focusing on being perfect. But doing things reasonably well. You chunk it into small bits. And that gives you a sense of accomplishment. And that allows you to keep building and keep growing and keep moving forward. Question your thinking begin to think critically, are these thoughts that I’m having rational? Is it really true that you’re a fraud? I’m guessing that the majority of you are going to be like, Nope, you’re not a fraud, because you aren’t. Right? You’ve just done the skills assessment, it says you are a really phenomenal Excel spreadsheet worker. That’s another thing I have like basic skills, and I’m not very good at. So this test is just told you that you scored 99% on the super advanced Excel test. So does it make sense to say you don’t do Excel very well?

Not based on the skills assessment. So begin to question those thoughts as they pop up and take a moment stop. Hmm, I’m gonna No, I’m not gonna just stew on this or McCullough. Okay, no, that’s not true. Remember, that’s our ego. Your soul is not going to tell you that your ego is gonna be a man loser. No, write down all the awesome skills and qualities about yourself. List your fears and what you’ve overcome in life. I’ve mentioned on more than one occasion, I was deathly afraid of public speaking and I get paid to speak. I was afraid to do so for my birthday this year. I am afraid of heights and some doing things to try to conquer that. So we did a ropes assessment or ropes course Anna, what do you call zip lining, zip lining was the easiest part. But I would help with my fear of heights actually want to do it again. It helped me be like I’m afraid to do this. And Tony, of course was a rockstar. But overcoming that fear, like that was a big deal. And I didn’t quit. And there are people younger than me that quit. So it’s just a reminder of all the things that I’ve overcome. So do one for yourself. Stop comparing. I did an entire episode on this. Every time you compare yourself to others, in some type of situation, you’re going to find some fault, and that is going to fuel the feeling of not good enough. Of being incompetent, it’s going to make you feel like a phony or fraud. So stop the comparison. Don’t get caught up in that trap. Be like I am me. I’m on my journey. I have these unique qualities. I have this unique experience that if we I mean, Good gosh, they’re like a bazillion people that I well. I’m not as good as Shakespeare. I’m not as good as I don’t know. I’m reading mysteries now. I can’t think of Alright, Marie Kondo. That’s a great example. She’s, you know, bazillion books, I haven’t sold a bazillion books. But I also found that her husband’s like a genius marketer. I’m like, Ah, now I feel so much better, yet a marketing machine. And it’s not to take away anything from her talent or her ability. But let’s just keep it real. You have to have some kind of marketing thing. It’s very rare that you can just, you know, even with that, that off the things that I haven’t read the 50 Shades of Grey book clubs, fell in love with her and that drove her to success. So if I were to comparable mine, not in a book club, or I’m not accessing your content well, that people who read my books probably aren’t reading Marie Kondo, even though there’s definitely connection and a spiritual aspect to her stuff, that I think’s really grooving, but I don’t want to get into comparison Trump if I if I would compare myself to someone as an internationally known as successful as Marie Kondo, then I would just feel bad about myself I’d feel like a complete imposter. So stop comparing. Be aware of social media. You know, I did an episode on this. Being on social media a lot can lead us to feel inferior of course and feel like an imposter. But so much of social media is fake. So if you’re trying to portray this image of someone you’re not or if you’re following a lot of people do, then that’s going to make a feeling feeling like a fraud. Worse, because you’re going to be found out you know, it’s like the people who photoshopped themselves in front of private planes and don’t on private planes. Well, how you gonna feel when social media dumps on you after they find out it’s a fake? Identify your biggest fans who loves you, I have a group of people that I have kept their emails, I’ve kept things they sent me. And if I’m feeling down, I pull those out. I’m really grateful I have some super fans from the podcasts that I just absolutely love. And that I am honored and privileged to know. So figure out who your biggest fans are. And who are your biggest family members, like my husband supports me in everything, he’s great. I have some other family members that are like my mother was like that you can do my grandmother, you can do anything you put your mind to identify your biggest fans and supporters.

Don’t hand your identity, to your success. Most people have this idealistic image of themselves. And when they fail to live up to that, then doubt starts to sink in, right. Or they attach their identity to something they do. So I did the international TV show and did on the internet reawaken your brilliance and for so long, and I didn’t realize this, my identity was attached to the show. And it was hard for me to let go. But when I let go of that I did the podcast and the podcast I’ve been much more successful with had much more of an audience that I did. But I had to let go the show. But my biggest there are some other things too. But one of the biggest challenges was, but identify with the show, and I didn’t have the courage to cut it off sooner, because I thought I was my show. So be very aware of what you’re identifying what you’re tying your identity to. Mistakes happen. They’re a lesson, don’t dwell on them. We all make mistakes. Acknowledge it, see how you can do better and move forward. Don’t make that doubt you Oh, I did this. I mean, gosh, I mean, I’ve made tons of mistakes. I’m still making mistakes, and I’ll continue to make mistakes. But I learned from them and I don’t let them stop me from moving forward. Just because I make a mistake. I’m not like loser. You know what, you should never organize a house. Again, that’s not true at all. Not true at all. So just be aware of that and and switch your thinking it’s a lesson, it’s not a mistake. And again, if you truly do something horrible, but I would say unless you have ill intent from the beginning, you know, if you have to apologize, own up to it, and move forward. Forgive yourself, don’t waste time beating yourself up. And choosing because it’s a choice to be miserable. Give yourself permission to move on. I wanted to be a screenwriter and almost happen. And for a long time. I felt like a failure. I had to forgive myself and say it’s okay that your dream didn’t happen. But that allowed me to develop new dreams. And the reality is, you know, I can’t imagine being my age now living in Los Angeles, I just wouldn’t be I would be miserable. And it was very hard, being so far away from my family for a decade of my life. And I can’t imagine, you know, my mom’s sick. I don’t know what I would have done. If I had been not within driving range. I don’t know what I’ve done. So I’ve had to forgive myself, forgive myself when I’m not perfect. forgive myself when I mess up or make a mistake. So self forgiveness is something just in general. It’s very supportive. But when you can forgive yourself, you’re going to lessen the feeling of feeling like an imposter. Surround yourself with supportive people materials. Are you reading about how people face their fears? Are those who gave up? Are you listening to people say yeah, you can do it. Let’s create a plan how to get there. If you say I can’t be done, you’re too old. You’re too fat. You’re too this. Your group cheer you on, or silently. Wish you not to succeed. You can feel the vibration of people you know, it’s a really thing. It’s like, I learned from that bless your heart. I thought it’s really nice. Bless your heart for southerners is not a nice thing. The NSA bless your heart, you kind of get the vibe Oh, okay, now I get what they’re saying. But just be really aware of who you are surrounding yourself with and what kind of materials you’re reading and everything you’re doing. Be positive. I’m not saying be pollyannish but if you’re spending all your time on reading about failure instead of reading how to succeed, that is obviously going to influence you and make you feel like you’re not good enough and an imposter. Let it go to move forward from feeling of imposter I’ve given you a bunch of examples. If you really, if you’re like wow, I have felt this. I feel it multiple times. I felt it for a long time. You’re going to want to dig deeper. So ask yourself what core beliefs do I hold about myself? Now if you’ve listened, you know, I talk a lot about, I believe it boils down to feeling not good enough worthy enough for love. So what are those core beliefs that you have that are fueling this? Do you believe you’re worthy of love? Just as you are of success, just as you are a friendship and abundance, and all good things just as you are. They feel like oh, I have to be XYZ before I can get this.

Do you think that you need to be perfect for others, to prove to love to be there for you? What is it that is driving that? What do you think you need to be in order to be accepted? So those are some questions to chew on. I know you’ve got this, you are not an imposter. We have those moments, but then you can move forward. Take action from today’s podcast. Recognize where you have imposter syndrome. Ask yourself, What are my triggers? And what characteristics do I have? Understand how you can overcome feelings of doubt. Dig deeper and examine any core thoughts and attitudes you may have. Know that you were good enough, worthy enough and loved no matter what. On our next episode, we’re talking about plant medicine. Go out Clear Your Clutter to create the life you choose deserve and desire. When you clear your clutter, you can share your gifts with the world. Sign up for our free newsletter at reawaken your brilliance calm. Even enjoy Clear Your Clutter inside now. Please rate review and share us

Transcribed by https://otter.ai