Calling Out: Why Calling In Instead Builds Community
Calling Out is Causing Your Clutter!
First, policing people and telling them what they’re doing wrong takes a lot of mental and energetic clutter. Second, it creates emotional and spiritual clutter, right? Mental energy dealing with responses like stinky social media posts or responding when someone calls you out. More often than not you become emotional and get upset. Everything is energy and calling out is just cranky, hateful energy. Finally, if you’re spiritual and trying to come from a place of love and oneness and when people act like this it can really challenge you. Dealing with calling out (or being the one called out is exhausting.
Next, take actions:
- Understand why people would call out others.
- Examine what behaviors of yours may want people to call you out
- Recognize where you call out others
- Be aware of your own wounds.
- View calling in as a dialogue or conversation
- Know you can walk away
- Get yourself in a good frame of mind
- Know your why
- Focus on the behavior
- Embrace the awkwardness.
Julie Coraccio 0:02
Today on clear your clutter inside and out. We’re talking about calling in people. Do you invite people into discussions or trying to hammer your point of view? Have you found yourself shamed on social media? Or when talking with friends? Would you like to learn to have different viewpoints and get along? Learn how to create community as opposed to ostracizing people. As we begin our month focusing on we are one
do you control your clutter? Or does your clutter control you? unclear your clutter inside and out. We’ll teach you awareness as well as action steps to create change in your life. Come on. Let’s get started.
Hey everyone, happy February. This month we are going to be focusing on we are one being part of the one. I was motivated to do this entire month just because of everything I see on a daily basis. It just really makes me sad that we have become a nation. I’m speaking for the US I’d love to hear. Now I’ve viewers and listeners around the world. I’d love to hear what your thoughts are and what’s going on in your country. We can’t talk anymore. We are a nation of keyboard warriors, who say really mean things to one another. And so this month I wanted to focus on remembering as I heal, you heal. As you raise your vibration, it raises mine. We’re all part of that oneness. We are all part of that one big universal energy. Today’s particular Killer episode was inspired by a post in a group I belong to. And if you listen to January, this is part two. If you recall, I said I were getting to four out of this one. I was really excited. So a quick recap was that I belong to a networking women’s group and someone was looking for an apartment, her boyfriend, they’re trying to find a place. And she said, you guys. The woman took a screenshot posted up, you know, and I need to learn how to do that I still don’t see that and read and exclamations and circled you guys. Super passive aggressive. People got really upset. And that’s a perfect example of calling out someone. And we’re going to talk about calling in today. And the woman gave a great response and I want to read a little bit of it because when she her response would have been a better example of calling him She said you didn’t say, hey, language matters and this gender stuff is hard. Right? Because when she said that if if the poster said, ugh, would have said that, that invites a conversation, right? And she went on to say, if you did, your comment would have likely been interpreted and responded to in a much more positive light. And she’s right on. She said, you screenshotted to be screenshot, my well intentioned, linguistically gender neutral and colloquial greeting instead of very passive aggressive and offered no form of constructive criticism. And this is what I was talking about at the beginning, why I get frustrated, and why women’s group I went to college I’m like, go women. We’re all awesome. All of us as human beings are great. And I see women do that, and I see it more so than I do with men. And I think that we as women need to get our act together because it’s worse among women. Then it is meant. I think the current administration has brought up a lot of ugliness, which I’m like, Hey, bring it up, bring up the darkness because we really need to understand who we are as a country. What’s going on how we treat people and so the ugliness you can’t clear if you don’t bring the darkness to light you can’t clear it. So I tried to view this all positive and it really has sadly deteriorate and I think it’s just let that junk keep coming up and then we can release it. But women are much worse with this than men are by a longshot. So when the poster wrote up, the total point of this was to shame that person wasn’t anything but shame. And I did an episode last year the Searcy Lannister perp walk episode of shame in your life. If you’re someone that shames I’d encourage you to definitely check that out.
So after reading this post, as I shared an episode in January, I posted on about some things like calling in versus calling out, and post got removed. And I was really annoyed by that because I thought you do your group a disservice. And then I post something that isn’t is about inclusion, and getting people to have a conversation and it has taken away. But in a nutshell, the articles that I shared were about calling in versus calling out. And I gave an example a moment ago, the woman who said, you know, here’s how you could have phrased it. Right, and maybe someone would have had an aha moment instead of trying to shame someone because I don’t know about you, but if someone tries to shame me, I am just probably going to tune you out. Now I’ve gotten better about that because I was like, bring it back to me. Why am I noid I do that 95% of the time again, I’m still human, but probably in the moment I’m just going to shut down to I spent less time on social Because I just I just I can’t it’s very challenging. Someone insulted me on youtube the other day and I’m grateful and I’m like, great. This is gonna serve as an inspiration for another pod cast episode coming up this year. And I can’t remember I shared this last time I love the rock. And so there’s something about calling in or calling out and he and they said, he said this and he’s like, that’s not my style. I tell it to straight. And he just from everything I’ve seen again, he’s an actor, but he just strikes me So look, the rock could beat up anyone, right? He’s a huge guy about being straightforward. And again, it was in a situation where he was supposedly I think, calling out someone and he’s just like, I don’t do that. So how is calling out, creating clutter for you. If you are the one calling out, it’s creating a lot of clutter, mentally. energetically, emotionally, spiritually, right? You are putting out your mental energy dealing this with this responses. I just picked her this woman as the language police and like she’s like, I’m gonna correct everyone and this isn’t the first time this particular woman has done this but I think how much of your mental space and your energy deals with this What about emotions, she was obviously upset. The person that responded was upset multiple people on the post were angry and upset. And everything’s energy. So you’ve got multiple people just kind of in a cranky, hateful energy, that’s not a really good place to be. That’s not a good place to be at all. So what clutter when you call out or you are the recipient of being caught out? What does that creating for you and it can create spiritual clutter because we want to bring it back. We’re all trying to come from a place of Love whether or not we’re aware of it, we really are most of us are and the Oneness the whole reason why I wanted to do this month month and so if you are on that path and then someone kind of like equivalent of cutting you off in traffic, you know can completely throw you off your balance or too exhausted exhausting it is exhausting to call people out and it is exhausting to deal with it. So as I taught this episode, think about how calling in versus calling out someone has created clutter for you. What is calling out I had never heard this term until I this post when it happened and I was like, You know what? If I say something it’s not gonna be heard but me I can share some articles and someone will have an aha moment. Now this was from an article on Everyday Feminism by and you know what the we have a couple Pronunciation police on my podcast but cn si and Scion first and it’s from January 17 2015 The primary difference between calling in and calling out is that calling in is done with a little more compassion and patience. Calling out essentially aims to get the pressive person to stop their behavior now the calling out and calling in it originated in social justice from my understanding and what my research found but I’m That to me is limited. I think it this calling out people absolutely. Versus calling them in applies to everyday life.
So this makes sense, right? You can see where this started to come from what the person wanted people to stop using the phrase you guys now in my family, you’d get a dumb ass award. Now it’s we joke about it and we lovingly call someone to do Mass my father started this tradition. But having someone lovingly call you dumb ass that, you know is a lot nicer than some of the nasty things people say about one another right and that they can’t believe some things people share publicly but when you get that that’s a loving way of and I’ve considered that calling in again, that’s a family thing. I wouldn’t call client that I wouldn’t call only people I’d call out of my family, which mainly my father and brother. It’s really easy to call someone out isn’t it doesn’t take a lot of work. You might get a kick out of it, you might get a temporary rise. And again, this is an everyday life. It’s about shaming someone, and a lot of us seem to like a public shaming, right. But I think we get it it’s like when Sara Lee Lannister did the perp walk if you’re a game of thrones And everyone lined up screaming shame and throwing things at hurts. There’s something that whether it gives us a temporary boost, whether we feel like we’re part of a group, whether it allows us to not feel shame ourselves, I think it’s a combination of saying, we really a lot of us seem to dig a public shaming. And I’m going to share later in the month actually, here’s a good example and I’m doing a podcast about this later on. Ben Affleck would probably be a better example. He is struggling with sobriety. And I talk about this later on, you know, I don’t want to see that he’s struggling with sobriety in my newsfeed, that’s his privacy, that’s his business. And he’s been publicly shamed for that. And that’s definitely calling out it’s not saying hey, I hear your struggles and calling in. So that’s just one example of I think of how we many of us take Joy in public shaming. I want to be really clear here though, I’m not condoning bad behavior. Meaning that sometimes you just have to call up someone like Bernie Sanders a perfect example to me, he needed to be caught out. I’m grateful that he did that interview. Because I think it was very telling. You get more flies with honey than vinegar. Some of the people are just as bad as some of the people who are saying things like in that particular instance with the ugh. She just, to me came off way worse than that woman who posted ever could have. It’s easy to see when you haven’t suffered to understand how others might have. For example, some men have no understanding, or quite frankly, empathy, of what it’s like for a woman who’s been assaulted. You saw that in my view with the Cavanaugh hearings. Just the reaction of some men or the reaction of some men, and the vitriol towards gretta said Thornburg, the Swedish climate activist person, I have no idea what it’s like to be a person of color. I’d probably get a good idea if I had a professional makeup done, and have a day where I wasn’t white, where I would walk around and people couldn’t tell that I was a white woman with this background, so thinking maybe I don’t understand what it’s like for someone else, trying to understand then why people would call you out. So again, that’s for part of the oneness. We want to work on empathy and expanding our awareness. Do you make sexist or racist comments? Are you all about yourself and have no empathy for others? Are you trying to listen and understand or just get your point of view across? awareness is big for me because I really noticed that past couple months, just this complete lack of awareness multiple time and encourage you try to come from a place even if you’re caught out. Where might that person be coming from? How can I have a little empathy for it? Does the thought of clearing your clutter overwhelm you? Clear your clutter inside now has 21 standalone chapters to fit your schedule and lifestyle. not being afraid. gain clarity and go at your own pace.
The clear your clutter inside not workbook lets you record your thoughts step by step as you go through the book. Free mp3 meditation with purchase. get control of your clutter, so your clutter doesn’t control you. reclaim time, money, sanity and resources. Learn more at reawaken your brilliance, calm and also available for purchase on Amazon. So what is calling in? In this article, I shared a quote which I thought was really great from an again, I’m gonna go knock lone Tran on black girl dangerous. I picture calling in is a practice of pulling folks back in who has strayed from us. It means extending to ourselves the reality that we will and do lead up, we stray, and there always be a chance for us to return. I love that there always be a chance to return because to me that’s realizing we all make mistakes. We all can do better. And instead of ostracizing or calling him calling in is a practice of loving each other enough to allow each other to make mistakes. A practice of loving ourselves enough to know that what we’re trying to do here is a radical unlock Learning of everything we have been configured to believe as normal. I just thought that was really well said and again, This to me is not just about social justice it is a way broader, everyday life. I also liked from Ashley astrue from dictionary.com. When she talks about the difference between calling in and calling out. Calling in refers to the act of checking your peers and getting them to change problematic behavior by explaining their misstep with compassion and patients. She gives a good analogy of a huddle I thought this was great to bring someone in and talk about the game plan to get everyone on the same page. I think that that was a beautiful analogy, right? We’re part of the oneness, we’re part of a team. Instead of this thing of ostrich shot sizing, shaming, you are bad you you you how do you call someone in First thing I’m going to suggest, bring it back to you. Be aware of your own wounds. When you’re healed, no comments. No actions can hurt you. I use a lot. I feel like 95% of the time. I mean comments about me the podcast on YouTube. Don’t hurt me. I just stir like water, they flow off. I’ve still got about another 5% that annoys me. And every time that happens, I’ll feel my anger, then bring it back to me. Is there an opportunity for me to heal? What’s this old wound about? So encourage you. Even if you’re calling out like why do you feel the need to do that? And if you’re the one caught out, same thing, bring it back to yourself. view it as a conversation with someone and not a directive. If you’re selling me bla bla bla bla bla, most likely I’m going to tune you out. And I think probably the majority of people are with me. Instead you invite me, you call me in to have a dialogue or conversation, I’m going to have a really different reaction. And think I shared this was ages ago when I first started my business. And the person called me out, but I had enough foresight. She said, I hate professional organizers. And it kind of threw me off balance. And I said, Well, why and we ended up having this awesome conversation. And I talked about being green and eco friendly and how I bring that in and, and that even though she called me out, I was able to open up a dialogue. So remember to dialogue, it’s conversation, it’s not you, screaming and getting your views across. This is really important. Know that you can walk away. This is true for anything in life. know and understand and be really clear. What are your living limits and boundaries. You don’t have to join every fight you’re invited to write.
Sometimes you just have to do this. Maybe it’s not the right space. You’re not up for discussion, it doesn’t matter. Do whatever you need to do to get into the right frame of mind. Deep breathing a bubble bath. You want to get into that space of neutrality. You want to be in that space of neutrality before you even begin to have a discussion or being open to it. I’m not interested in going in a place where people are gonna attack me. We are getting solar and as I’m, we’re having a house built next door. I’m really bummed out. It has taken months and I’m getting as much stuff pre recorded as possible because I don’t know what the hours are. But I’m assuming probably nine to five. My office is right as I look out the window here Right next to where everything’s going to be going out, you know, we’re on an acre so we have some space, but they’re allowed trucks on trees. I’m so sad The trees are cleared. So anyway, we are still waiting. They are really late on this. And reality is we’re, we will we will do what’s necessary if the solar panels are to climb. I went into that. The Hoa and there was one woman. I wanted to say, you know, you’re welcome to join us in the 21st century, but just these questions, she was against solar panels and her husband was and the questions were ridiculous. I mean, the point and I was really calm, and you know, but she kept trying to call me out. And I just was like, I’ve got an objective here, I’ve got a goal. And I’m not going to let her throw me. Now luckily, it didn’t get to the point where I had to walk away because that’s okay to do that. But because I was able to like get non space neutrality. What’s my goal here, my goal here is to get started. planners it’s not to waste my energy on time on someone whose opinion I’m never going to change. You know, they’re never going to be open to solar. And sometimes again, you have to know that you can’t change everyone, anyone, some people, you can’t lighten them. It’s not your job. You can try to plant those seeds, but sometimes you just have to walk away. And here are some other suggestions from a practical guide to calling in from May 29 in 2016. So this term been around a really couple years and I hadn’t heard it. Omarosa know your why. Absolutely love this. I would phrase it differently. And I would sum it up as wide as matter. Right? Because if it doesn’t matter, it’s clutter. If you feel really strongly about something and you want to call on someone, absolutely do it. And if you’re on the other side, and you’re being called in and it’s not that important, let it go walk away, but on Understand your why. My why was getting solar panels. It wasn’t about trying to change someone’s mind. I was really clear on that. Focus on the behavior don’t assume be specific and concrete and how you were affected. I know I’ve talked about this before. I feel really hurt that you called me out in public. I feel really angry that you made all these assumptions instead of having a private conversation with me. I feel frustrated that you nitpick instead of worrying about broader issues. So work on those I feel statements. Embrace the clunkiness I love this too. I loved how she phrases. I’d use awkwardness probably because I’m an older lady and not have Cuz it’s there. Right? And it’s okay. I know, when having done a lot of personal growth, we, when I did the clear site school we’d have this thing called a growth period and growth period stinks because you’re learning and you’re growing. But it’s kind of like the kids when they’re stretching and growing and physically and have some that physical pain. It can be painful to grow. It’s not always easy. So embrace the clunkiness it’s going to be okay. difficult conversations aren’t always easy, but I’m telling you when you do them, the majority of the time you feel better. You’ve grown you’ve perhaps strengthen a relationship, you’ve learned something there’s a lot of good on the other side of the clunkiness. Doing person doing person doing person, so agree with this. Because it’s online stuff, right? It’s easier to Be hearing your jammies and say things you may not have thought through.
And then it’s out there. So set a good time and place to have a conversation. I remember once when I was working with my coach and she said, Oh man, yo, yo, Tony apology and not text. Don’t text him since I’ve learned that. If I want to have a conversation or upset, I don’t text him wise at work. I wait till he’s home, but because he gets home late, I’ll wait until the morning, I’ll let him have his coffee, and then I can approach him. But I know you know what, something knocks you down over text or have a conversation, then we’re going to have it in person. So I’d encourage you to do the same thing. You know this. I think it’s much harder to say nasty things when you’re sitting in front of people, right? I mean, most of it when you see or you learn someone’s story, right? And that brings it back to the humanity. You’re one we’re part of the oneness. So do it in person. And, you know, if you’re not a night owl, then don’t do it at midnight. Now I want to point out an important note. Because I did research for this I cited I told you where I learned definitions and things because this was a new calling and was a new term to me. A few of the articles I peruse made the point that people have the right to be angry and have no obligation to educate you and me. I get this I do. And for me, that’s an and statement. I can’t remember if I’ve talked about and and if I haven’t, I will need to do a podcast about that. You’re going to affect more change, potentially open up hearts and minds more, when you call in as opposed to call out. Obviously it’s your choice, but to quote Dr. Phil or Andrew Quote Dr. Phil, how’s it working for you? My overall assessment is it’s not well when you call out and again, I’m expanding this to all areas of life, not just social justice issues. It’s okay to be upset and angry and feel like you don’t need to educate people. And I go back to being part of the oneness, doing things from love. And look, I don’t call people out on their clutter all the time. And I’ve learned Trust me, I it’s not my job to save the world. I have to have boundaries about people wanting free coaching. Trust me, it’s all thrown at me some really clear about when I say something, and more often than not, I probably won’t and I’m very particular and think through and how I say things and I don’t Do anything and post on social media that I wouldn’t post on the front page of the New York Times. That’s been my rule since I posted Facebook. I don’t post political things I actually posted Bernie Sanders had a great interview a couple years ago about the Oneness that I thought was beautiful and coming from a politician like I’m definitely going to share this it was around Easter but I just my goal is post uplifting things because the even if I agree with someone like on the majority of issues, the hatred that I see, and I think you are doing exactly what you accuse the other side of people, extremists on both sides, throwing slings and arrows and they’re doing the exact same thing. So encourage you, Colin, as opposed to call out. take actions from today’s podcast. Under understand why people will call out others Examine your behaviors, and why people may want to call you up. Recognize where you call out others. Be aware of your own wounds. View calling in as a dialogue or conversation. No you can walk away. Get yourself neutral and in a good frame of mind. Know your why. When calling in focus on the person’s behavior embrace the awkwardness. On our next episode, we’re talking about divine timing.
Go out. Clear your clutter to create the life you choose deserve and desire.
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Transcribed by https://otter.ai
Certified life coach, author & award-winning professional life organizer Julie Coraccio shares steps and tips to support you in creating the life you choose, deserve and desire through decluttering your life, end of life planning, mindfulness and how to organize your life.
About Clear Your Clutter Inside & Out
Clutter is stuck stagnant energy and prevents you from creating the life you choose, desire and deserve. We discuss clutter in all its forms: energetic, spiritual, emotional, mental & physical, relationships, health, finances and more. We share tips and take action steps for clutter free living and how to organize your life and death with end of life planning. We’re thinking outside the box on areas where people might not realize where clutter is blocking them. When we remove clutter from our lives we can discover our passions, lead the extraordinary lives we are all meant to live and share our gifts with the world.
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