Healing relationships benefits you and helps you to be able to move forward in your relationships.
Is there a past interaction you feel has unfinished business? Do you have a friendship that’s mostly good, but maybe has some moments of feeling not so good? Are you challenged with finding or keeping strong, healthy companions? Learn to heal fraught relationships and begin healing relationships.
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Certified life coach, author & award-winning professional life organizer Julie Coraccio shares steps and tips to support you in creating the life you choose, deserve and desire through decluttering your life, mindfulness and how to organize your life.
About Clear Your Clutter Inside & Out
Clutter is stuck stagnant energy and prevents you from creating the life you choose, desire and deserve. We discuss clutter in all its forms: energetic, spiritual, emotional, mental & physical, relationships, health, finances and more. We share tips and take action steps for clutter free living and how to organize your life and death with end of life planning. We’re thinking outside the box on areas where people might not realize where clutter is blocking them. When we remove clutter from our lives we can discover our passions, lead the extraordinary lives we are all meant to live and share our gifts with the world.
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Julie Coraccio 0:02
Today on Clear Your Clutter inside now we’re talking about healing relationships. Sara, past interaction you feel that has unfinished business? Do you have a friendship that’s mostly good? That maybe some moments of feeling not so good? Are you challenged with finding or keeping strong healthy companions? Learn how to heal fraught relationships as we continue our month focus on three actionable steps to the clutter your life? Do you control your clutter? Or does your clutter control you? Unclear your clutter inside now, we’ll teach you awareness as well as action steps to create change in your life. Come on, let’s get started. Today’s episode was inspired by my mastermind partner, we do a Business Mastermind once a month, I’m really excited. She’s rebranding my website. I’m a really good writer, but I don’t write very well marketing wise. And so she has been working on that anyway. Today’s episode was inspired because she was telling me how she let go of a client, because she wasn’t the right fit for her. And you know, one of the things I was talking to a potential client the other day, and because they are considering doing a business similar to mine, and I said, you know, one thing I like is, if I am not a good fit for someone, I don’t have to work with them. One of the reasons I give a 15 minute consultation free is I want to make sure one I have the skill set to help you. But I also want to make sure I want to work with you. I’m just at the point where I had many times in life, I just have to suck it up and deal with kind of stinky people. And I don’t want to do that anymore. So she anyway, just how she talked about how she was going to let this client go was really amazing. It was professional, I think she did everything right from her. And, and so she’s not going to need to heal that relationship. And most of our relationships, including a lot from the past need to heal. And if you can’t heal those relationships, and they’re gonna affect you, in your next relationship. I look at by the time I met my husband, I had healed every previous relationship that didn’t work out. And so I could say to those men with gratitude, thank you, for all you taught me. Thank you for working with me. So I could be the woman I am to marry my husband, I would say my husband and I are both big givers. And I would say we both gave too much in past relationships without getting much in return. So one of the things I really appreciate about our marriage is that we’ve both helped one another receive more easily. That’s been really important. Because it’s important to be able to receive, and I’ve done a podcast episode on that. I’m also at a really kind of interesting, I don’t say weird, that’s not right, interesting point where my circle of tightness has probably been the smallest, it’s been a really long time. And that’s okay. One of my goals when we’re settled is to be more social, not just for me, but for my husband, and obviously COVID. Stop that. And I think for me, I know for me, I don’t think I know that because all that crap that I went through that women’s group has still just kind of have me put my hands up, take a step back and being very wary, and very distrustful. So I need to do some healing around that.
I think I have and you know, part for me taking a break is healing. And I belong to an alumni group of caregivers, which is people who want to my college someone was kind enough to start a caregivers group, which has been amazing. And so that in a small way, even though it’s online dealing with a lot of stressful stuff has been a part of lying me to trust again. And so I’ve started healing on that we’ll have some more work to do. When you heal your relationships, you can shift, you can change your energy and it allows you to attract and bring in more relationships that you desire. And I want to be clear, I’m not talking about abusive relationships. If you’re being abused gaslit treated poorly get out and get help. There’s a neighbor of mine I used to be friends with who keeps trying to contact me through all these channels and I blocked her and thought I blocked everything. Apparently not there’s way too much social media. And she the last one I saw because it was on next door and you could see it written she’s like if I I’ve done something upset you and I thought you’re gaslighting me. I am not going to respond. I, you know acting like oh, what could I have done you know you did your part of the neighbors that harassed us when that happened you weren’t a friend anymore. So I’m just what I’m talking about I’m talking about maybe a romantic relationship didn’t work out a friendship, but working on healing those and yeah, you need to heal the other stinky relationships and then really unhealthy relationships as well. But again, this is about jumpstarting getting going and working on perhaps some easier, quote unquote, relationships to heal. Let’s get to it. Quick action. Tip number one, accept responsibility for all your relationships. Now, this might be hard. But if you can start on this path, and doing that makes a huge difference. And I have to admit, when I was writing out this episode, I didn’t know whether or not to include it. But I think it’s really important. There is a great book called Radical forgiveness. And he also wrote radical self forgiveness, and it’s calling tipping and it is packed or I would show you the cover. The first time I got that but couldn’t read it might. Then I think it picked it up a couple years later. And at times, I’m still challenged with it. When I’m able to step that I played a part in all my relationship that allows me to not be a victim and begin to heal. That might be figuring out how you contributed to the problem. I had a friend whose husband had an affair. She had to admit she was willing to do the work, which is great. And it was all about figuring out how she needed to heal move forward. And she would say to him all the time you’re having an affair, you’re having an affair and he wasn’t he was completely faithful. But after years and years of it, he finally is like well, I might as well have an affair because that’s what she thinks Some do it. So she had to step back and look how what was my role in it. That’s about accepting responsibility. It’s a two way street. When people suck, I try to tell myself, I’m healing karma. What me attracted this? What a unnamed wound Am I trying to heal? Is this a reminder of a past relationship and not necessarily this one that I’m focusing on in the moment, but it’s going a little deeper on something that I need to heal. My goal here is to be able to move forward. When I asked questions and again, it’s just what works for me, it allows me to see my role and more easily accepted. What one action can you do right now to accept responsibility for relationship? Have you found yourself longing to connect more with people? Do you desire to find a romantic partner in life? Are your past relationships making a splash and your current ones ready to release unhealthy relationship and embrace loving connection? Got flutter 365 Journal prompts relationships, support you in clearing your connection clutter. Free gift with purchase. Available at reawaken your brilliance calm. Amazon, Google Books, and more. Quick, actionable Tip number two, stop keeping score. I honestly see this
in women more than men, and not just romantic relationships. I’m keeping a real because I do this and I struggle right now with someone where I feel that I give more than received. So what I have to do is it goes back to Quick Tip, quick actionable tip number one I what is my role in this? I have to bring it back to me. So for me maybe that says no, I have to say no, no, no. Or I have to create a boundary. If I do that, then I won’t feel like I’m pulling more weight or putting more into the relationships and the other person. Keeping the scorecard doesn’t help you move forward. It makes you bitter makes you frustrated. Probably a little bit of self righteousness going on. And remember, when you feel self righteousness, that’s an opportunity to heal because it’s coming from a wound. When I work with couples and families, I always start in the present moment and say we’ve got to release the past. Now some stuff might come up that needs to be addressed but you can still share it from a new starting point. Some occurred you burn the scorecard and accept your people for where and who they are. When stuff happens with you. Deal with it right then and right there. What one step can you do right now to stop keeping score? Quick, actionable tip number three, see all of your connections as imperfectly perfect. When I’m annoyed, I try and practice what I call loving kindness. Now, this might not be the correct term if you’re practicing Buddhists and understand that very well. I’m interested in Buddhism and super at the beginning on this. So please forgive me and indulge me that this is a term I use. I remind myself I’m not perfect. I know I’ve been a jerk. I’ve been unkind. And I also know when I know better, I’ve done better. Then I try to find something I love about the person love might be too strong of word. So there’s something like, Is there something I can admire? So I’m going to use HOA because that’s, I don’t like those people. So what could I say about them? I could say, Now, I would view this as a work way. But if you bring it down, I could say you know what? They care about the neighborhood? You know, did they go by the West raceway? In my view? No. Do I believe they want powered? Yeah, but buried somewhere and all of that junk, is people that want a nice neighborhood and retain property values? If they keep the neighborhood Nice. That’s what I want. It’s absolutely what I want. So I can admire that I can agree with that. That’s what I can try to focus on. And remember, okay, I’m not perfect, and neither are they. And they’re probably doing the best they can. They probably haven’t had try not to assume, but most likely I would. They haven’t done a lot for flexion. I think that’s a fair statement. They probably don’t prioritize that. And they have other wounds that they’re trying to deal with. If you change how you view, people will change the energy shifts. When I finally stood up to my boss in Los Angeles, the entire energy and relationships shifted, and he left soon after, I just put a line in the stand and said no more. As I’m recording this. This is a Wednesday. And I will do a little bit more about this. My husband and I had talked to my mastermind partner Friday, we made a decision that weekend and Monday things just blew wide open that I want to save that story for another day. But it was about shifting my perspective and taking actions to try and release judgments. rationalizations justifications see them as perfectly imperfect because you and I are perfectly imperfect as well to what one step can you take right now to the goodness and all of your relationships. Remember, this is probably going to take some time and patience, but these three tips can get you moving. Release what no longer serves you in relationships and open your heart. Take actions from today’s podcast, except for sponsibility for all your relationships. Stop keeping score. See all of your connections from a place of love. begin healing your relationships. On our next episode,
we’re talking about clearing your personal space. Go out Clear Your Clutter to create the life you choose deserve and desire. When you clear your clutter, you can share your guests with the world. Sign up for our free newsletter at reawaken your brilliance calm. Even enjoy Clear Your Clutter inside now. Please rate review and share us
Transcribed by https://otter.ai