222: Declutter Your Life: How Can Being Selfish Be a Good Thing?
Selfish: Can it really be a good thing? Do you panic at the thought of putting yourself first? Are you unsure how to say no to take time for yourself? What are the good things about being selfish? Learn tips on how you can be the good kind of selfish.
Certified life coach, author & award-winning professional life organizer Julie Coraccio shares steps and tips to support you in creating the life you choose, deserve and desire through decluttering your life, mindfulness and how to organize your life.
About Clearing the Clutter Inside & Out
Clutter is stuck stagnant energy and prevents you from creating the life you choose, desire and deserve. We discuss clutter in all its forms: energetic, spiritual, emotional, mental & physical, relationships, health, finances and more. We share tips and take action steps for clutter free living and how to organize your life. We’re thinking outside the box on areas where people might not realize where clutter is blocking them. When we remove clutter from our lives we can discover our passions, lead the extraordinary lives we are all meant to live and share our gifts with the world.
Julie Coraccio 0:00
Hey, I’m clearing the clutter inside and out. We’re talking about being selfish. Do you panic at the thought of putting yourself first? Are you unsure how to say no to take time for yourself? What are the good things about being selfish? Let’s continue our month learning how to be selfish while focusing on a fabulous start to 2018
Are you ready to clear your clutter and share your gifts with the world? Every Tuesday at 1pm join me on clearing the clutter inside and out is I teach you how to navigate the waters to declutter your life. Get organized and become more mindful. Come on, let’s get started.
Today’s episode was inspired because most of my life, I’ve never been able to be selfish. I always put myself last. It still makes me a little bit nervous, but I have gotten a lot better. Not being able to be selfish really impacted my health. When I was living in Los Angeles, I had a job as an executive assistant at the County Medical Center. I was very fortunate. I had a great group of doctors that I was working for but I was sick because when you work at the County Medical Center, they had to get tested MMR all that junk. Well, I discovered I had mono had some thing very traumatic happen. And that ended up I was so stressed out, I got mono. Now I’ll probably mess it up here. But my understanding if I’ve got this right is you get the epstein barr virus once you get that it stays in your body. So you could have a flare up, it could happen again you can get mono again. Doctor was like, my primary care woman was like you need a month off for. I didn’t take that. I was like, I can’t let my doctors down. That would be selfish. And so I barely took any time off. Well, surprise, surprise. I got sick later on. And I for a long time every year almost like clockwork will get the flu. Now I’m convinced that it was due to me pushing myself through getting the EB virus. I don’t care if there is no medical correlation between the flu and the Ebola virus and all that. I’m convinced I didn’t take enough time for myself. I was too stressed out And for a long time, I got the flu. That changed actually when I moved to Raleigh, and I’ve been here 11 years, but I was in Los Angeles for 10 years. I don’t want anyone to have to be so stressed and be so afraid of being selfish that they negatively impact their health like I did. The older I get, the less I’m able to tolerate junk. And I’ve learned how being selfish can be a good thing. for Thanksgiving. We had some relatives and my husband, and one particular relative was unkind to me. What I did do is I became quote, unquote, selfish. I walked away I read a book. I didn’t engage. I made sure that I took care of myself. That can be another episode go into a little couple of things for that, but I share that because in the past, I wouldn’t have done that. I’ve been Like, oh, that’s rude, that’s well mannered. I had to take care of myself. And that’s what part of being selfish is about. It’s a continual process for me. I keep improving, I keep getting better. I think some of that actually has to do with age. Because you get to point like, my time and sanity are valuable. I’m not putting up with this junk. Where you like me? Do you see being selfish is a bad thing. Back in the days of the dinosaurs, people needed to survive, so you can understand why being selfish happened. And if you believe we were hardwired for some things, then this makes total sense. I think society also gives us a hard time when we are the good selfish, and not enough of a hard time when we’re the bad selfish. I think we flip flop that I also think women are criticized more often than men for being selfish. The dictionary defines selfish as lacking consideration for others concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure. First, I want to be very, very, very clear on the bad selfish and what I am not talking about today. When we’re the bad, selfish, we’re good to ourselves and being bad to others. Not listening to people, eating all the cake, manipulating people into doing what you want. Think of bad selfishness as all that stuff that’s really one sided. What I am going to talk about today is the good selfishness. It benefits us but it can also benefit us If I take care of myself, it allows me to take care of my husband, the cats, my clients. benefits of being selfish.
I talked about how I got the EB virus, you’re most likely going to have better health. If you’re taking care of yourself. Sleeping instead of going out with a girlfriend when you really need some Z’s if you have the EB virus, staying home and resting. We tend to be happier when we’re selfish and taking care of ourselves. We tend to be doing what brings us joy, saying no to what we don’t want to do. Of course, we’re going to be happier. We also tend to have better relationships. If I’m rested and happy. That’s going to be reflected in my marriage. It can also help you be more compassionate. Because when you take care of yourself, you can better take care of others. If I’m well rested, and eating well, I’m going to be able to listen better, and be able to come from a place of compassion and empathy when working with someone. If I’m stuffing my face with junk food, I haven’t had a lot of sleep. I’m probably going to lack concentration. It can boost your self esteem. When you are doing what you need to do, that makes you feel better about yourself. Good self care affects all areas of your life. Whether it’s your emotional state, your health, your relationships, is something that helps everything. When you are selfish, And Own your life. You won’t blame others when it doesn’t work out. in an upcoming podcast episode, I’m going to share something really personal that was really hurtful and devastating. As I’ve probably talked about before, I believe I create my reality. And so I had to say, well, you created something that was so awful you had to leave, it got to a point where you had no choice. Because of that, I could take responsibility and focus less on the actions of others and do what I needed to do. I needed to step away from someone and a group and I finally took the action to do it. You can make a difference in the world around you and be of service when you are happy when you are being selfish and you’re content with your own self. If you’re constantly bent out of shape, thrown around by people that upset you, and you’re not being selfish to get what you need, you won’t be able to support others. It’s not a good idea to give what you don’t have. Focus on your personal growth. Allow yourself to be selfish. And then you can choose to help others who need it. being selfish, allows you to be more balanced. Of course, you’re going to be more balanced, you’re taking care of yourself. You’re listening to yourself, you’re doing what you need for you. You’re also less likely to be on autopilot. When you take care of yourself, and put yourself first in a healthy way, you’re more likely to be aware, mindful and take action when necessary. You’re also going to be doing a lot more of what makes you happy. You’re aware of what you need to do, to take care of you. What you need to do to be the best you. And one of the best reasons to be the good selfish is because you can serve as an example for others to take care of themselves. When you do that, you give other people permission to be selfish, that good behavior rubs off on others, it can inspire others. We’re all connected. We all support each other, either raising our vibration or lowering it. Do you keep saying you’ll get organized someday, but someday never comes. Are you overwhelmed, anxious and exhausted by your clutter Would you like to saves time and money while reducing your stress. Are you ready to be organized and decluttered in 2018 our
get organized 2018 Facebook mastermind community can support you. begins January 11 with special pricing. Find out more at reawaken your brilliance calm under life organization masterminds. Come on. Join us. How to be selfish. What is your definition of selfish? Do you see it as good or bad? Is the thought of being selfish giving you stress? If it is redefined for you, what it means to be selfish. No and do you do you know what you really like? Are you a people pleaser? And the thought of doing something for yourself sends you into a sweat? Take time to discover who you are and what you enjoy. When you figure that out, it’s a lot easier to be selfish. Have fun with it. Make it a game, get creative, enjoy exploring. Don’t make it a to do make it an adventure. If you have a lot of guilt, work on a way to address it. It’s a Okay, trust me. I used to have a ton of guilt. You are a work in progress. My skills still hasn’t gone away. Ask yourself why do I feel guilty? I’ve said this a lot. But I really believe it when we boil it down. It is about not feeling good enough. worthy enough or love if we all felt And truly believed in our soul in our bones, that we were good enough worthy enough and love. We wouldn’t worry about what others thought wouldn’t have that guilt. How can you address any guilt you’re having? What support Do you need to work through any guilt? You can be selfish and do it kindly and from a place of love. I mentioned an unruly relative at Thanksgiving. I didn’t drop my vibration. I didn’t stoop to her level. I walked away. I went and read a book. I didn’t make a sting. I wasn’t going to allow myself to do that. What I did was take care of myself, and I kept my spirits raised. So many times we think coming from love means being a doormat. Just letting people walk all over us. And that’s not true. You can lovingly set boundaries. Say yes to what you want to do. What would you choose to do? And that time exploring what makes you tick. What gets you excited? What makes you a little nervous? And then say yes. On the flip side, say no to what you don’t want to do. Flex those no muscles. I did an entire podcast on saying no. Don’t let others demands weigh you down. Check in, does it align with your goals of what you want to achieve? If it’s clutter, say no. Figure out how and what you need to take care of yourself, and then be selfish. Look at all areas of your life. physical, mental, emotional spiritual relationship, health. What do you need in this moment? If you need sleep, honor that. If you need to cancel on someone at the last minute, honor that. Continually check in with yourself to see what you need. Ask for support. So many times we try to do it ourselves. Ask for support whenever you need it. It’s not selfish to ask for help. It’s good self care. I did something recently. That was selfish. To me it was a good selfish, others might have said wow, Julie. Bad move. Someone was kind enough to offer me a free treatment. I said yes, that’s very kind and generous. However, I can’t do it. If If so and so is in your office that day.
This is I’ll get into a little more detail. That’s something I’m working through right now. But someone who was incredibly unkind to me, they had really made me feel excluded, but then they crossed the line of really stabbing me in the heart with something I’ve been struggling with and really desire that hasn’t happened. And so for me, it really crossed a line that’s like, wow, you That’s cruel. But I took care of myself. I was selfish, and said, Thank you. I’d love that. And I can’t be there in your offices. This woman is there. How is this not selfish one, in addition to taking care of myself, I’m looking out for my friend. The truth of the matter is I don’t know how I’d react. If I’d see that woman. I don’t know if I just don’t know. And I don’t trust myself at this point. And I could do something and I would never want to hurt my friend, harm her business. And so that in that sense, it was selfish, and it was thinking of her. Again, some people might think that I was totally nuts with that. But I did what I needed to do to take care of myself. work on improving yourself, be the best version of you. It’s a continual process. As you love and improve yourself, it’s easier to be selfish. You won’t put up with much junk. It’ll be easier for you to say no. It’ll be easier for you to check in. What do I need right now? practice being selfish. put into action what you say you’re going to do. Don’t just talk about it. Awareness plus action equals change. How can you be selfish right now? How can you be selfish today? How can you be selfish tomorrow? What about for the week? What about for the month? What do you need to do? practice being a good selfish? take actions from today’s podcast? review how you feel about being selfish. Is that a challenge for you? What do you need to do to switch your thinking? When thinking about being selfish, ask yourself if it’s supports you and could support others, go for it. Write down the benefits you will receive for being selfish. Begin being selfish. On our next episode, we’re Talking about an interview on intentionally inspirational go out clear the clutter to create the life you choose, deserve and desire. Are you ready to live a more joyful and fulfilling life? Sign up for our newsletter at reawaken your brilliance calm and receive a free copy of 10 steps to clearing the clutter inside and out. If you enjoyed today’s episode, I would love it if you would rate and review the show because it really helps us in the search ranking. See you next Tuesday at one o’clock. Remember, when you clear your clutter, you can create the life you desire.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai